How to React When Friends Ruin Your Wedding
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have newlyweds who are unhappy with people who said yes and then didn’t come to their wedding.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I got married back in February, it was a small ceremony with our parents. We decided we just wanted to have a big informal reception in the summer with good food, great beer and a large crowd to keep costs down and make us more fun. In fact, it was a picnic in the pavilion of the county park, to which we invited about 400 guests. We had decorations, music, large leafy cakes and some wedding favors, but we missed all the traditional crap at wedding receptions. We did send out invitations by regular mail and asked for RSVP; we also said no gifts are needed.
My question concerns invitees who did not follow proper RSVP etiquette. Some people did not respond to the invitation at all; including when we replied via Facebook message, email, etc. one month after the reply deadline. Another group of people replied that they were coming, but they just didn’t show up at the front desk. No message, no excuse, despite the limp, nothing.
I found myself feeling resentful towards both groups of people, especially people who said they would come and then just missed it. Thanks to minor cyber harassment, I know that some of these people, instead of visiting them, went hiking or something like that. It’s not about the money; we spent less than $ 20 per person to feed and water our guests, I am worried about insulting our relationship.
Obviously, this is not great. So, should I go to these people (politely) and find out what happened, for the sake of my sanity? Should I just ghost them and write them out of my life? Or should I try to let it go and never mention it unless they offer something voluntary?
Signed, really tempted to accept the nuclear option
Hey, I really want to do the nuclear option :
It’s a long handle, so I’ll call you Nuki. Both groups, who did not answer and did not appear, did bad things. Those who do not answer are much more forgivable, since not answering is the same as saying that they do not plan to attend. However, this is a crude way of saying it, even if it’s fairly common. It definitely got more impolite as you continued and they still haven’t responded, but hey, you knew for sure they weren’t going to be there. Well. Let it go.
The real weakness here is the people who said they would come but didn’t show up. Are you expecting to celebrate an important moment in your life with them, and they go camping instead? This is outrageous and extremely offensive! Also, why is camping better than a wedding? (It doesn’t.) Also, I know you’re saying it’s not about the money, but it still sucks that you paid for their food and drink.
So Nukey, I think it comes down to what you want out of it all. If you want this question to end and you want to be no-show friends, I think you should reach out to them and ask what happened. You have every right to do so. I would do it as best I can – don’t blame too much – so that they don’t become so defensive as to ignore you, destroying the entire target. Simple: “ Hey! We missed you at our wedding! Thought you were going to come to the party with us. Everything is fine? “I will. You may or may not get an apology, so be prepared. If they don’t answer at all, leave them. They weren’t such good friends from the start.
However, before you leave, Nukey, I will say that perhaps these people thought it would be good to let things down. I mean, you were already married, so this was not a “real wedding.” And the fact that it was an informal picnic might have led them to assume it wasn’t that big of a deal. Heck, they may have even felt a little cheated about you throwing this “for everyone else” party. It’s like you wanted to eat your wedding cake and eat it too. It still doesn’t do what they did, okay, but it needs to be kept in mind before blowing them up, Nuki.
Quickies
Because I just don’t have time for all of you …
Trap Feeling says:
I am in high school and am definitely going to college. But the question is where, because I struggle with heightened alertness, anxiety and social phobia. I always wanted to go to study in Europe, but over time it seems to me that my paralyzing anxiety stops me, and I think that I will not survive alone, or my family needs me, etc. At the same time, I am afraid that waste my life on the reservation I’m stuck on and die here. I’m so scared to think about it.
If you have the opportunity, get out of there and go see the world. Just do it. You will survive (or learn to) and your family must find a way to be proud of you. Don’t let them stop you from being the person you want to be.
Hangin ‘On asks:
About a year and a half ago, a guy I was interested in sent me on FB, I saw his message only a few days ago. I sent him my apologies, he read them and did not answer. The next day I decided that maybe I should apologize again and inform him that I was still interested in meeting him if he wanted to. He hasn’t opened my message yet, I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t want to, he probably thinks I’m an idiot. I hate that I screwed up a lot, I know it was so long ago, I would have liked to see his message a long time ago. Is there anything else I can do or should I just give up?
You did your best. If he is still interested, he will answer. Time to move on.
Rick Springfield asks:
I’m really in love with this girl, but one of my best friends is dating her. What am I supposed to do? Tell her how I feel?
I know you want to tell her that you love her, but this is probably a moot point. Move on.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY TO OPEN . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.