How to Deal With Complaints About Complaints at Work
The term mansplaining is relatively new, but the concept is outdated. If you are not familiar, this term refers to when someone (most often a man, that is, a man) explains something to someone (usually a woman) condescendingly or condescendingly. If you are a woman, then most likely this happens to you on a weekly, if not daily basis. However, figuring out what to do about it can be tricky.
About 10 years ago, I worked as a part-time barista to get away from home and satisfy my coffee addiction. At the time, I was already a fairly successful writer, but I enjoyed regular human interaction (working from home can be lonely!). One day a repeat customer came in and started explaining a new web application to me. He was mistaken on an important detail, and when I politely corrected him, he condescendingly explained to me that I was wrong because he read an article about it in PC Magazine and politely asked me to “see if my father had a copy.” because I “seemed interested in technology.” I wrote an article.
When I bought this fact, I won the argument (and therefore all the technical arguments with this particular client all along). However, it remained my favorite interpretive story, because in this case, the man was literally trying to explain to me what he did not understand, telling me to read the article that I actually wrote in the magazine, he hinted that I needed will receive from my father.
Resisting human complaints can be difficult. Debra Bednar-Clarke, former head of business strategy and growth at Facebook creative store and now the founder of the career and style coaching form DB + co, recently told Inc. about grievances in the office and how women should deal with them. …
Her advice? Resist it directly.
I know that I have been in dozens, if not hundreds of work situations where a male colleague was disrespectful, but I was not quite sure how to approach the problem.
Bednar-Clarke suggests confronting unexplained behavior when it happens, even if it occurs in a large group. Rather than being aggressive, she advises maintaining a professional tone and approaching the issue decisively. Explain firmly what the problem is and offer a solution and how to solve it.
“Kindness, availability and strength are not mutually exclusive,” she says. Together with her coaching clients, she helps develop “scripts” that they can use in situations that often occur. Make a plan of what you are going to say so that you don’t worry at the moment.
She says that a solid explanation of why you are upset with the abuser will often fix the problem permanently, and when done in the group, send a message to everyone else in the room that this behavior is also unacceptable.
Doing it right then, rather than in an email or conversation later, will help that person understand exactly what they did wrong. In some cases, a person may not be aware that he is doing this.
It can also help you think about what might have caused the ugly behavior. In many cases, the men who explain this do not do it because they think that someone needs to be spoken down to, but because they themselves are not sure of themselves.
Once you figure out the root of the problem, it’s much easier to come up with a way to solve it.