How Not to Give a Child a Smartphone (so That He Does Not Become an Outcast)
If you’ve been alive for the past, say, 10 years, you’ve been the subject of many articles claiming that smartphones are wiping out an entire generation . It is argued that today’s youth are more isolated, they have less attention and … Excuse me, what? I just needed to check something. Be that as it may, smartphones are supposedly harmful to children.
It may or may not be – I tend to think that headlines like “annihilate a generation” can be a little hyperbolic (so many for this generation! Bye) – and like anyone who has sat at a table with a baby boomer on wheels … iPad knows it’s not just a problem for young people.
However, you cannot prevent a mother from using her devices, but we can still control our children. And I really think, both as a parent and as a person who constantly caresses his phone, like a loved one, our ability to focus and be at the moment is undermined, since we have in our hands all the time what are essentially slot machines .
Children also lack the maturity and perspective to cope with the constant temptation and social pressures that come with 24/7 connectivity, so the longer parents put off their first smartphone are believed to be, the better kids will be. When I was researching this story, a friend of mine wrote in a message and said that he received advice not to rush as long as possible, because the phone “turns them into different people.”
But what if all of your child’s friends have smartphones, but only your child does not? You don’t want them to completely disagree with their peers.
Good news: Some parents run it waiting to buy smartphones for their kids up to eighth grade or later, and their kids are not outcasts. I spoke with several parents who managed to stay behind to get the best tactical advice.
Wait until the eighth promise comes
Wait until the eighth promise comes . Basically, this is an online registration list where parents promise that they won’t get their child a smartphone until 8th grade – until a critical mass of other parents at school accepts that promise as well. As soon as 10 families are signed in, you will receive a message that your school has a commitment.
Wait until 8th is the brainchild of Brooke Shannon, an Austin mom who was worried enough about the erosion of non-digital playtime and family time to take action. Shannon told me via email, “Since launching this spring, over 3,000 families in 49 states and over 500 schools have said yes to smartphone wait.”
Are you afraid that your child will not be able to contact you in an emergency? Don’t worry – the promise only applies to smartphones , and Pinterest has a “Wait Till 8” page with phone clocks and flip phones for kids who need to connect with their parents after school and on the road.
But what if you keep your promise, but no one else does? After all, it’s still a novelty and many parents haven’t even heard of it. This is where a small community organization comes into play, according to Walker Royal, a father of three in Dallas who recently received the “Promise to Wait Until 8th” for his son’s 4th grade class.
Get a critical mass of refuseniks
The first step, says Royall, is to talk to other families in your child’s class. There will certainly be some parents who worry and worry about being excluded, as you are. Royalle says he started by talking to several parents in his son’s fourth grade and found that “some were receptive and some were aha .” So he sent an email to the student list to express his concern: “There were 65 families in the email list, and in a week we were able to get quite a bit of participation — almost half. It really takes the pressure off the parents to hang on. “
Note: fourth grade? My son is in second place and I thought I would make it to sixth grade before I had to worry. But no: Royall tells me that his son’s third grade had eight or nine kids with iPhones.
Get your school administration aboard
I highly doubt there is an educator who is unaware of social media bullying. The principal of the Royal Children’s School in Dallas is hosting a coffee at the start of the school year, and commented this year that two of the biggest challenges the school faces are smartphones and inclusivity. So if you can get your school administration to talk to families about the dangers of smartphones, attention and bullying on social media, your requests to fulfill the “Wait on the 8th” vow may get more attention from other parents.
test yourself
Let’s be honest: it’s not just kids who are tied to their devices. Royalle noted that when the principal discusses students and smartphones, she noted that parents treat children almost as badly. If you’re hunched over your device rather than fully engaging in conversations or non-digital activities with your family, what should your kids think about the relative value of a smartphone versus a book, fishing rod, or paintbrush? If kids find that adults can’t grab a meal in a restaurant or spend a weekend camping without digital input, they won’t know how to do it either (or even believe it’s valuable).
Do it for the money
I’m in charge of our budget, and it’s already hard for me to justify what I think is a good idea, like music lessons or swimming. Smartphone and baby data plan is something I’m not seriously going to pay for. KJ Dell’Antonia, a former New York Times blogger for Motherlode, says her kids pay for their cell phones and monthly plans , which can be cumbersome enough for your child to get by with one clamshell (or nothing) for another. a year or two. A friend told his daughter that she could have a smartphone if she could pay for it herself, which would only allow her to use an iPod until her sophomore year in college.
Don’t totally rob them of their electronics …
The lack of a smartphone does not mean a lack of digital experience at all. Royal’s kids can use the iPad on weekday mornings before breakfast and after dinner. In between, they should have fun. Dell’Antonia has a policy of not watching TV or playing video games on weekdays and open season on weekends. Her older children (11 and 13 years old) also have an iPad.
… And encourage real life, fun activities
“Keep them active,” says Royal. “Give them a ball and a bike.” He describes his children as “very sociable,” so there is always someone to play with, and he tried to convince at least a couple of families in his child’s social circle to hold “Wait until the 8th,” so that “there is support [about the value of real entertainment ] and always with someone to play with. “
Molly Bosscher, a Virginia mother of two who stayed on the phone until her boys went to high school, repeats this: “Be on the street with your kids. Encourage outdoor activities such as jumping from a height into the water or walking with friends on the river. Go hiking. Such things. Take a walk every week. Get them to play sports. And talking to them is like every evening at dinner. ” Just as parents (try to) teach their kids healthy food rather than treats, we can also help them balance their digital time with IRL classes.
I still think it’s not that easy – when my kids are in high school, I probably won’t know as many families as I do in elementary school. And other families may not share our values. Royall told me that a fifth grade parent at his children’s school tried to fulfill the promise to “Wait on the 8th,” and received only three responses. And eventually kids will make their own decisions like adults, and sometimes that decision will be to hibernate and watch the screen.
But we might get lucky. Molly Boscher said her son, now a college student, is choosing a new phone. The latest iPhone? Android? No, he wants a cot.