How to Be a Panda Dad
So you’ve heard about Tiger Mommy, right? You know, more overlord than mother. Strict, demanding and a little (read: many bits) control freak. But also someone who has fantastic qualities that you want your children to learn. Grit. Drive. Initiative. (Hey Jenny! You’re awesome!)
I never doubted what kind of father I wanted to be. I wanted to be a hugging monster. I wanted our daughter to know that I love her, yes, even after she got the hint from the hundredth kiss on her adorable face. But I also wanted her to know that there are limitations, as well as rights and disadvantages, that will help turn her into a decent, opposite intolerable person. If you also want to be a father, do I have a spirit animal – a parent. edition – for you: papa panda.
Not exactly the opposite of a tiger mom, panda dad is someone who is “happy to take care of their parents but not afraid to show their claws,” as Wall Street Journal columnist Alan Paul put it when he coined the term years ago . Being a panda dad is okay to pamper your kids from time to time, but it’s also okay to set the rules you expect them to follow without showing tyranny. A father who teaches love, independence and the importance of self-respect.
Sounds like what you could fit in? Here are some tips on how to become a panda dad:
Physically descend to a childish level when talking to them (not to them)
Of course, it’s impossible to do this every moment, but this tactic needs to be applied when it comes to a more serious conversation – about debt after a bad fall, offended feelings due to a peer incident, about questions related to curiosity.
Let the child know that you are completely with her. Yes, you are wondering what happened to her, or what she is feeling or thinking now. Remember, you are raising a child, not a soldier.
Ask your children why they like what they like. Yes, even if it’s Kayu .
Dig as deep as possible. Explore their main interests. For very young children: to questions like “Why do you like Kaia?” You’re not going anywhere, you can answer yes or no questions: do you like Kayu’s hat? Do you like Kailo the dog? Do you like how he annoys me?
Panda Dads are genuinely interested in the interests, needs and ideas of their children. Establishing an authoritative dynamic between parents and children and not letting them express emotions is okay if you are creating fully collaborative killing machines. But this does not lead to healthy self-esteem in children.
Let them try for themselves
Let them brush their teeth on their own, even if it only lasts four seconds. Let this two-year-old climb this eight-foot wall. Let your child choose their own clothes. Shirt from the “Star Trek” instead of “Star Wars”? Shiver, then stop it.
Your hands-off approach of allowing them to make their own choices and decisions helps your children develop motivated interests and hobbies.
Panda dad is not a helicopter parent. The Panda Dads will make sure their kids are safe, but not enough to keep them out of the world. So that they don’t focus on excellence in every little thing they do. Unless it’s “wiping it clean.” This is always important.
Let them fail
When they are defeated, do not be angry, do not feel sorry for them, do not rush to console them or ask: “What happened?” Instead, let the incident sink into the process and then ask, “What would you do differently next time?”
Failure is a great learning tool. This shouldn’t stop your child from doing something. This should motivate your child to find another way to succeed.
Encourage improvement over time. Don’t strive for perfection. If my daughter ever gets hepatitis B, she knows she can turn to me for comfort and solutions. Not a tiger mom who says, “Do you have hepatitis B? Why not hepatitis A +? “
Failure can teach decisiveness, critical thinking, independence. And once children overcome their setbacks and succeed in learning on their own, they will also gain access to other qualities they need to win in life — confidence, creativity, innovation.
So here are some tips and detailed context for becoming the best panda dad you can be.
Oh, and just to be clear, you don’t need a panda body to be a panda dad. It does help with hugs, though.