How to Never Tell Anyone Anything About Yourself
Even if you are not a particularly shy or cautious person, there are many reasons why you might end up in a place where you are being held from time to time. You may find yourself in a difficult or difficult situation in relation to work, your relationship, or life in general. You may just hate talking about yourself (hello), or you may have less temperamental and more practical reasons. In some situations, for example, it is not always professionally prudent to be chatty (even if others encourage it), or you may feel shy simply because you’re not sure you’re able to talk about a particular topic. …
And sometimes you just want to lock even the most harmless secrets in a room of panic so deep and dark that even Jodie Foster couldn’t find them. However, this does not mean that you cannot talk to people. You just need to learn how to do it a little differently.
Make People Talk About You
The best defense is a good offense, and the simplest and most straightforward rule here is: ask questions. People will love you for this. If conversation is a battlefield (and for our purposes it is), then the question is to strike, thrust, and strike that will hold back unwanted successes.
First, your chattermate might talk about himself, which almost everyone likes (that is, everyone but you). Secondly, you will be a great conversationalist, even if you are not, because all people will remember (even abstractly) that they deeply interested you. The questions can literally be about anything within reason. At a party with strangers? Ask them about their work. At work? Ask a colleague about their weekend. For weekend brunch? Ask a friend about the party they went to last night. There is always something to ask, and once you get started, you can actually ask additional questions.
Follow-up will ensure that the conversation never ends, and it’s always good to have a few on hand – no matter how trivial they seem. Things like, “How long have you been doing this?” or “When did you start doing this?” or even a simple “Oh, really?” These questions also serve to validate the person you are talking to, as they indicate a level of extreme infatuation that appears to be ignited by the incredible power of previous responses.
A few general speaking tips are also worth keeping in mind here. Find common ground where you can, and when in doubt, shower the other person with compliments. This is not an interview, and you don’t want it to feel like an interview, especially if this is the case where you avoid someone who knows you well enough to know when you are being perverted. Set a good tone and keep it there, even when trying to dodge the conversation.
But … what if someone is REALLY asking me a question?
Despite your best efforts, it is very likely that at some point someone will ask you a question about you, perhaps this is the question you really do not want to be answered. (“How’s your job search going?” “Meeting someone interesting?”) And that’s actually good! If you insist that no one ever backs down on an answer, you will look very strange. Do not do this. Instead, deflection force really comes into play here.
You have several options. Depending on the circumstances, you may find that you may simply not respond. While dodging or literally twisting are options, of course, they’re not very subtle or easy to maneuver without coming off like a nutcase. Instead, try adding a sequel to the topic you just talked about. Let’s call this a “double-turn” because it sounds pretty damn cool. This exercise is actually much easier than it sounds, and you can even point out exactly what you are doing: “Wait before we change the topic, I want to know more about [insert topic].” Voila, you’re under control again.
Alternatively, you can answer the question without answering the question. “How’s work?” “Oh, it’s okay, although I have to say that all the train problems have been killing me lately – WTF, MTA!”
“What’s going on with you and Dave?” “Not much! Although we just saw Mom! “ please let me spoil this for you.”
“Are you happy?” “Hey, you know who seems really happy? Chrissy Teigen. Do you follow her on Twitter? “
As you can see, your friends here are on broad topics like news and pop culture. (“By the way, what do you think of Stranger Things ? Thank goodness it’s back!”) So are the stories. If you can tie a funny story (not really about you) to your answer, and then use that as a starting point for your next topic, you’ll never have to reveal anything again.
Sometimes, someone can actually seek out information from you or even jump at your cunning evasive methods. If you can’t shake them up, it’s usually a good idea to offer just enough to make them feel like they got something – either some of the information they were looking for, or doing their due diligence as an interlocutor:
“I heard there was some serious drama at the meeting on Tuesday ???” “Oh, there’s always someone who is upset about something dramatic. To be honest, there is more drama going on between me and my cat at any given moment. In fact, let me show you a photo. “
However, if you are really stuck and don’t want to talk, you can excuse yourself and promise to come back. But if you can answer without compromising what you want to protect, do it as vaguely and quickly as possible, and then return to asking questions. Because, you know, people love it when you do it.
Unless you’re talking to another secretive person. Then I cannot help you.