What to Do When Children Swear
Children talk a lot. Parents usually respond with a nod, giggle, or maybe glazed eyes when it’s already 18 minutes after going to bed and they’re still analyzing My Little Pony movie imagery, but from time to time they hear the word and gasp.
Wait, what did you say? Where did you learn this? We do not use this word in this family. Don’t ever say that again.
Suddenly, a word that was just a word becomes a forbidden thrill. And the child continues to say this, reveling in the answer. Mom and Dad soon discover that their once innocent sweetheart is heading straight for the Mori Show .
Bad words are subjective, but in general, parents tend to overreact to their words. And they will tell them. Psychology professor Timothy Jay, who wrote a book called What to Do When Your Kids Talk Dirty and studied the science of swearing for decades , tells me that “kids start swearing as soon as they start talking,” and that “it’s not harmful psychologically. … “They experiment with language and learn to express their emotions, everything is fine and healthy.
However, this does not mean that your home should be vacant for sailors. “Just like you teach your kids table manners, you can teach them language etiquette,” says Jay. While the boundaries will vary depending on the age of the child and where you stand on certain words (“In some families it may be worse to say Jesus Christ than to fuck,” says Jay), you can establish a comfortable tone. Here’s how:
Be boring
How you react to a word determines its strength. If you flash with horror or laugh, this word will gain strength and it will become interesting for you to speak. But if you don’t answer positively or negatively, it dissolves into another word. “Be calm,” says Jay. “You might say, ‘Oh, that’s an interesting word. Do you know what that means? “” Then, especially with the help of “empty words”, you will be able to solve their mystery with the help of science. For example: “Yes, this is a word for penis – do you want to see a diagram of the human body?”
Reach out to the emotions hidden behind the tongue
If a child swears out of anger or calls his little brother a bad reputation, it doesn’t really matter what word he said, but why they said it, Jay explains. It is important to be aware of and explore the purpose of language, and to teach children productive ways to manage their big feelings.
Distinguish swearing from swearing
While common profanity may be irrelevant, there are words that can cause serious harm to other people, and kids should be aware of this. If the child says a word that is racist or sexist, Jay says yes, you should definitely tell him “We are not saying this word” with an explanation of why, as well as the future consequences of saying the word.
Give them the opportunity to use swear words in a suitable setting.
Children need to know that there is a time and a place for a particular language. The way they talk while playing video games with their pals in the basement will be different from the way they talk to their grandmother at the dinner table on Thanksgiving. At home, you can create places where they can freely experiment with the language, such as their bedrooms.
Ultimately, swearing can be a means of expressing emotions, which is important at any age. But if that’s not really your business, you can always teach your kids fun alternatives , son of a bee sting.