How to Tell When People Are Using the Truth to Lie to You
There are three types of lies: inaction, when someone sticks to the facts; commission, when someone states facts that do not correspond to reality; and gossip when someone uses truthful facts to mislead you. This is not always easy to spot, but there are several telltale signs.
A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that the practice of pampering is fairly common , especially among business leaders. Not only that, but the people who do it don’t seem to think they are doing something wrong, despite the fact that most people find it just as unethical and unreliable as deliberate lie on behalf of . However, it is not only the leaders who do this. If you’ve ever tried to buy a used car from a slimy salesman, negotiated a paycheck with a tough boss, or watched pretty much any presidential debate, you’ve probably seen pity in action.
For example, this slimy used car salesman might say that the old beater you’re looking at “starts up great” and that “these are reliable models” when you ask how it works, but doesn’t mention that this particular car’s engine dies regularly. … He did not lie to you, but he also did not tell the truth. Jimmy McGill (aka Saul Goodman), the protagonist of AMC’s Better Call Saul, is another great example of a professional fraudster.
The joke works so well because it’s not a lie in the way we think about a lie, which makes it difficult to blame anyone for it. After all, how to tell someone that they are lying if you know they are telling the truth. And more often than not, falsely accusing someone of lying makes you look worse than the accused. A joke is also an easy way to distract someone with what they want to hear. Again, the used car dealer in our example above is giving you information that will make you feel more comfortable buying a car. This may not be the information you asked for, but your brain perceives their response as an association response. You start thinking, “If it runs great and the model is generally reliable, this one should work fine,” because why else would he tell you this?
So how do you recognize this type of deception? Here are some tips:
- Know when to expect it : Teasing is common in all types of business negotiations, politics and sales, but it can also be used in personal relationships when pressure is constant.
- Hear Their Language : In Deception: From Ancient Empires to Online Dating, Frederick Schauer and Richard Zeckhauser invite you to beware of exaggeration or vague language . For example, when a real estate agent describes a location as “highly desirable” or when a restaurant specialty is “famous.” This list may be highly desirable, but by whom? This signature dish may be a famous dish, but only in this restaurant. Do they just seem to be telling you what you want to hear?
- Questions like “yes” or “no” are valid : listen to someone answering a simple “yes” or “no” question. Open-ended questions give cheaters more wiggle room to come up with truthful, partially related information and use it to circumvent the underlying problem. But when asked yes or no, all they have to answer is either yes or no. If not, then there is probably something wrong.
- Keep the questions focused when you ask them : If you ask questions , keep them focused. You should ask yes or no questions to avoid jokes . For example, if you ask a loved one if he is cheating on you, do not ask: “Are you cheating on me?” What if the romance is over by the time you ask? They could tell you the truth by saying, “No, I am not cheating on you.” Instead, you should ask tough questions such as “Have you cheated on me now or ever?” The only answers are yes or no.
- Only accept answers to questions asked : Whether you are watching someone answer other people’s questions or asking questions yourself, train yourself to reject unrelated answers. Don’t let your brain forget what the question really was! If the person answering the questions answers with related facts, lengthy explanations, or their own questions, assume they are indulging.
Unfortunately, lying is very effective in telling the truth, and we are all used to it by now, so it will take some practice to find it. Remember that what you hear is true does not mean that they are not discussing the issue. Don’t just seek the truth; look for the correct truth.