How to Deal With the Death of a Pet
When I was 11, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Playing with the animals all day seemed like fun. Around this time, Billy Joel released the pop rap song“We Didn’t Start The Fire”. In it, Mr. Joel barks through a series of horrific events in the 20th century, at one point rhyming the words “foreign debt” and “Bernie Goetz” with “homeless veterinarians.” When I heard that, I thought, “ Oh no! I don’t want to be a homeless veterinarian!
Thank goodness I was a dummy because he saved me from the animals being euthanized. Even though there is an argument against pets , I owned my fair share and mourned their death, both as a child and as a parent. I never came up with a way to reduce the pain, but I did figure out what to expect.
Agree on treatment limits
By bringing a puppy home from a shelter, you take responsibility for its health. Fido gives you love. You give him food, exercise and medical help.
The latter item gets more aggressive and expensive as Fido gets older. Chronic conditions can be managed for years, as long as you have commitments and cash, as Bow made fun of .
As your pet’s final days approach, be open with your partner and veterinarian to set limits. Discuss these restrictions with your children according to their age. Help them understand how you work to keep Fido alive without sacrificing your quality of life to prolong the inevitable. Children understand that it is humane to make animals out of suffering, but you don’t want them to feel like you chose to kill Fido because he has become too burdensome.
Don’t wait too long
After the first quarter of college, I returned home for the holidays. I was greeted by the family dog Peanut, who was lying under the dining table, breathing quickly and shallowly. I went to the kitchen and called my father to see if he knew the dog was dying. He did. There was a plan for the executioner’s trip to the vet. I hung up and went back to the dining room and found Peanuts gone before we could fire him. Then I had to tell my half-sister, whom I had not seen for 10 weeks, that the dog she grew up with and whom she loved very much had died. Later my brother and I dug a grave in the backyard. My father returned home just in time to lead the rainy funeral.
Twenty years later, I became a father. Our cat Rex was dying. It was too early, even though he was 16. I didn’t want him to die, but he did a lot of things that I didn’t want. One morning I wrapped him in a towel, took him to the vet, laid him on the table and stroked his wool while the needle was stuck in him. I hated every moment, but someone had to put an end to my pain. And someone had to protect my children from having their cat limp on the dining room floor.
Do not replace immediately
For many children, the death of a pet is the worst day of their lives . It is much more difficult if the death is sudden or accidental. It hurts to realize that life can be cut off unfairly. Allowing children to feel pain is one of the most challenging tasks for a parent. You want to cover with kisses and a wiggling puppy, but this kind of pain – grief as an expression of love – cannot be redirected.
Answer any questions your children have about why Fido died. Encourage them to talk about their feelings of fear and anger. Offer comfort by crying with them.
Well-meaning friends and family will ask when you will get a new cat to replace the one you have loved for half your life. Sarah McLachlanwill make you save a suffering innocent animal. Ignore them. If you want fluffy critters in your life, sit down with a neighbor or volunteer at an animal shelter. Everyone in the family should be ready for a new pet before he bursts into the living room. Re-climbing too quickly is unfair to the slow mourners and to Fido II, who cannot live up to the memory of his predecessor.
Write 10 good things
I borrowed this assumption from the excellent book The Tenth Good Thing About Barney .
Organize some kind of ritual – a funeral service or memorial service – to close. Encourage each family member to write their own list of 10 good qualities of the dead. Compare the content. Community will tie you together. Unique items will let you understand why your kids loved their dog.
I will tell you 10 good things about my cat Rex.
He played fetch. He loved everyone he met, even the children who invaded his home. He escaped one day, but stayed in the neighborhood so we could find him again. His meow was the chirp of a grilled voice. He was crazy about grilled chicken. When he was outside, he sniffed with his whole body, straining every particle, swallowing air. If you keep your hand at knee level, it will stand on its hind legs and bend its head under your palm, like a jumping dolphin. He loved to sleep on the couch before bed. He sang “I’m a Little Teapot” with me, offering a smothered meow on the final strike.
He chose us. One day I went to the back door to get a newspaper. Instead, I found a cat. He entered the apartment and into our lives. Of all the people in the neighborhood, he chose us. How could I not love him?