How Do I Introduce My Jewish Transgender Girlfriend to a Christian Mom?
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a guy who doesn’t know how to approach his new girlfriend’s introduction to mother.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
So, I recently struck up a relationship with a new girlfriend who I really like. We are compatible in many ways, and she starts to become a special person for me. I would like to introduce her to my mom; however, she is trans and Jewish, two things that my African American Christian may be wrong with.
Homophobia is so rampant in the African American community that I don’t want my girlfriend to be in charge of being a mentor to my family and community. However, I don’t have a negative relationship with my family and I want my girlfriend to be a bigger part of my life. What should I do?
Regards, looking for answers
Hello, look for the answers :
You are right about the money. In this scenario, your girlfriend doesn’t have to be an educator – you should. Before you introduce your partner, you need to talk about all of this with your mom. Be honest and honest – tell her how much you care about this person and how special he is to you – but be prepared for her to get upset at first. Don’t be defensive or angry. Take a step back and let her be surprised and confused. She needs to get this out of her system, and she needs to note that her disapproving looks won’t affect your feelings.
Then give her time to get over the shock, if any (she may be more open than you think). After a while, prepare dinner for yourself to introduce you. Everyone will be more comfortable in your home than in a public place; it will show that you are serious about the matter (you are the presenter); And tasty food on the table will help everyone to get distracted, if necessary. It may be an uncomfortable and difficult meal, but it is necessary. Calm down. Your job will be to help and educate your mom, protect and comfort your girlfriend when needed, and maintain a positive attitude as much as possible. You have to do all the hard work.
Now, after eating, you do the following: Give your mother more time . It’s time to accept the way things are, time to ask questions (let her ask questions!) And it’s time to get to know your girlfriend. In fact, the more time you get your mother to spend with your girlfriend, and vice versa, the better. Give her the opportunity to see through the labels and meet a wonderful person you care deeply about. Your mom can show more understanding, but only if you give her time to open her eyes and decide to change. It won’t happen overnight.
If after you give her a little time (and I say, maybe up to a year), she still won’t accept your partner, you put your cards on the table. You tell your mother that you love her very much, but that you will no longer be involved in family affairs if she cannot handle it. Usually you say to your family, “If you want to see me, you have to accept it.” No ifs, a’s, or but’s. They need to know how important this person is to you and how seriously you take being above the typical ideals held by certain communities. This is your life and your love – you should be the one who will nurture understanding and acceptance here.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and foggy inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.