Stop Answering Your Child’s Questions
Before you can tell them you have a degree in geography, or that you once thought the word XING on the road was pronounced “Zing,” your kids will see you as the perfect machine for educating people. And they will ask you a lot of questions.
Why can’t I eat gummy worms for breakfast?
Why are the planets round?
Why is your face like that?
And you will do your best to answer them.
Due to diabetes.
Due to the force of gravity.
Because of … gravity.
It’s great that children are so curious and you have to freely and willingly share your wisdom for a while, but there comes a point when you should stop. Former math teacher Stephen Clarke explained why on Quora when a parent posted the question, “My baby is asking why? ” to all. How do I deal with this? “
In his startling response, which was one of hundreds, Clarke wrote:
Most of the advice here is on how to answer your child’s questions, but this practice reinforces the idea that the way to gain knowledge is to seek answers from authority figures. Sure, this is often useful, but it is clear that your child already knows how to do this (since he is asking you a question). It’s much better to take this opportunity to work on an important but neglected skill of trying to figure things out on your own! Ask your child what they think the answer is. Often, for simple questions, you (and your child) may be surprised to find that they already know the answer, or at least part of it.
He gave several examples of how shifting attention to a child can work in real-life scenarios, showing that it can be effective, regardless of whether the child has some idea of the topic or there are no clues. He destroys this idea with the classic “Why is the sky blue?” question:
Child: “Why is the sky blue?”
Parent: “Can you think of a reason why this could be?”
Child: “Mmm … maybe someone painted it with blue crayon.”
Parent: “Maybe. How big do they need chalk? “
Child: “Crayon the size of our house!”
Parent: “Wow! It’s really cool! Do you think there is such a large pencil? Who can lift it? “
Etc.
By encouraging children to think for themselves instead of giving them an immediate answer (or by reading something on the Internet, “Well, you see, light energy travels in waves …”), you help them gain the critical skill of independent analysis. … (Perhaps more people on Twitter could use this skill.) Parents are also curious about how the gears turn in your child’s brain.
And that saves you the hot seat too. I hate to tell you this, but there will come a time when your children’s knowledge of certain topics will surpass your own. This is fine. As long as you teach them to think through possibilities and figure out how to find the answer, you no longer need to serve as a fact-reporting robot.