When Your Roommate’s Boyfriend Is Delayed
Some people have problems that require the delicate advice of a qualified professional. Others just need a random guy on the internet to kick them in the teeth with their honest honesty. I am the last one. Welcome back to Tough Love .
We have a landlord this week who feels like his roommate’s boyfriend owes them some rent because he stays there so often.
Note: I am by no means a therapist or medical professional. People ask for my advice, and I give them. End of transaction. If you have any problems, please submit a formal complaint here . Now that this doesn’t get in the way, let’s continue.
Hi, Patrick,
I have a house and two of my friends live with me as roommates. I give them good rental deals since they don’t make a ton of money and I enjoy helping my friends (and not having to put up with complete strangers because of roommates is a huge plus in my book).
Recently, one of my roommates, let’s call her J, had a boyfriend, and while he’s a good enough guy, he slept almost every night for a week or two and I’m starting to wonder if I should charge the rent, especially now. when in the morning he is literally the only one who stays in the house, when everyone has left for work. Thing is, as mutual friends have pointed out, he (as far as I know) doesn’t eat our food, he usually stays in her room and doesn’t actually intrude on public places or anything, and as far as I know, he doesn’t shower with us or anything like that.
On the other hand, I give J a solid rental deal and I do not charge any of my roommates for utilities. I think in the end I feel like she’s taking advantage of the situation. On top of that, it was my other roommate who first complained to me about this, and to his credit, his girlfriend usually stays no more than 2 or 3 times a week, which seems more reasonable to me. Am I just being oversensitive or am I justified here? I tried to broach this topic with J, but when asked why I care, I don’t know how to answer, so I just throw it for a while.
Best regards, helpful homeowner
Hello helpful homeowner :
You need to be careful not to be too nice to your tenants, uh, I mean, friends. Giving friends a lease so they don’t live with strangers is one thing, but covering their utilities (why?) And letting them walk on you is too much. You don’t want your friends, people who need to care about you and your feelings, to take advantage of you because you don’t want to give up. If you feel like guy Jay doesn’t want to host, that’s it, this is how you feel. You don’t need to give a presentation with charts and graphs explaining why it bothers you. “Why do you care?” Jay asks. Because you do it.
It doesn’t matter if this guy doesn’t eat your food, stays out of sight, and never takes a shower (dubious). He’s there – using your hideout for days on end, sucking in the hot or cold air you pay for, washing the carpet, shitting and peeing in the closet, shedding dead skin all over the place, and probably keeping personal belongings there. Of course, it is hidden from view, but it mostly nests in your house for free. Do you know what else it does? Rats. They can only eat old rotting trash, hide in walls all the time and never take a shower, but that does not mean that you want them to be in your personal space. To make matters worse, neither Jay nor this guy asked you how you feel about the fact that he stays with him all the time, which is not cool. It’s not cool that she’s defensive and questioning your motive when you talk about it. Add to that the fact that your other roommate finds this behavior annoying and there is no doubt that something needs to be done.
It doesn’t seem like you put a lot of restrictions on your roommates when they moved in, which is a big mistake even if they are friends (especially if they are friends). Like it or not, you are their homeowner and sometimes have to act as such. Most residences have a policy on how long non-tenants can stay for several nights in a row, so this should be the first thing you try to implement. Tell everyone who lives there that guests can stay for a maximum of three nights at a time, except on special occasions or something similar. If they ask why, tell them that this is your home and that it is, and that they are lucky to have provided them with such an affordable housing situation. If they do not want to follow your very simple and ridiculously reasonable rules, they may live somewhere else where rent is more expensive and they have to pay their own utilities. Or you can always ask J guy to officially move in and pay the rent. Hell, if you’re going to drag a rat into your walls, you can get something out of it, right?
Overly sensitive, huh? You are not sensitive enough! Get rid of the super-strong friend bullshit and get busy. I mean, you are not asking for much here. J can either make up in a new place or shut up. This is your home, not theirs. Do not forget about it.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.