I Am Alex Goldman and This Is How I Am a Parent
Alex Goldman is the co-host of Reply All , the popular Gimlet Media podcast about the Internet. (For an introduction to Goldman and his work, watch The Secret Life of Alex Goldman, an episode in which he lets his co-host PJ Vogt hack his cell phone, and Long Distances Part 1 and Part 2 , where he delves into a fraudulent telephone calls and ends up with a frantic investigation on the other side of the world.) He is currently on parental leave looking after a new addition to his family: three-week-old Polly. That’s how his parents have it.
Name: Alex Goldman. Location : New Jersey? New York? I live in New Jersey and work in New York. Job: Host of the Reply podcast. Family: wife Sarah and children Harvey (3) and Polly (3 weeks!)
Tell us about your family and your career. Was life mostly according to plan or were there any surprises?
I would say it was a surprise that I had children at all. At least for me. I had serious doubts about having a child because I think the Earth is gradually turning into a deserted ball of fire and I have anxiety and depression issues that I sincerely worried about passing on to the child. I didn’t want to create a creature, just to make them sad all the time.
When we were 20, we just said, “If we think it’s right, we’ll do it.” But we did not arrive at that moment at the same time. Sarah decided she wanted to have children before me, which led to a painful calculation we had to go through together. And at some point I thought: “There are no guarantees in this world, and there is no“ perfect time ”for the birth of a child. If you do, you have to get into it knowing that it will be intimidating and confusing and you will feel completely uncomfortable and you may not even be sure you want to. Nobody is sure about that. ” And I just jumped.
Even before and shortly after Harvey’s birth, I wondered if this decision was the right one for me. And then he smiled at me for the first time, that’s all.
Tell us about your morning routine. What are your best tricks to get out the door?
Harvey is really into Thomas the Tank Engine , and he will be much more responsive to me and Sarah if we speak in the voice of Sir Topham Hatt , Chief of the Railroad. How very angry, slow, like a British cry. “Now Harvey, a very helpful little boy will put on his coat – you don’t want to be confused and hesitant.” Harvey even asks for it. “Make Mister Topping A Hat!”
How do you share home / childcare responsibilities with your partner?
My wife is a stay-at-home and nights at Reply All can be very late. From Monday to Wednesday, she is almost entirely in charge of the children. I try to be home for dinner on Thursday and Friday, and I spend my nap / bath time with Harvey in the evenings and on weekends. When it comes to housework, Sarah is a much better cook than me, so I try to make up for her, wash the dishes. I also ask her to leave the childish mess to clean up when I get home, but she understandably gets stressed from having to move around the pile of toys, so she usually cleans them up before I get home. I compensate for this by rubbing my legs.
How much outside help do you get as a parent?
My relatives live about 45 minutes from us and their help with both children is invaluable. They are perfectly comfortable taking Harvey for the weekend and he really enjoys spending time with them.
What gadgets, apps, charts, or tools do you rely on?
In Polly’s case, I say to myself over and over again, “How did your parents sleep a little before the new technology?” Basically, this applies to fairly straightforward, but absolutely necessary technologies, such as bassinets that swing by themselves . As we speak, I listen to the engine running on one of them, knowing that Polly would not sleep if it weren’t for this tiny innovation.
As for Harvey, I rely on Spotify the most: he loves music and needs certain songs when there is a speaker nearby. The biggest one now is California Sun. He wants to listen to this song 100 times a day, and so I sing to him when he goes to bed.
Has becoming a parent changed the way you work?
Basically it just dragged me away with feet and screams from being hooked up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When Reply All started, Sarah was five months pregnant and I was working crazy hours. I still work pretty crazy hours, but I really worked hard to make time to be around my kids, and just … not to be so anxiously connected to work when I’m not around. I should note that I do this with varying degrees of success. It’s really hard not to be constantly involved in the process.
How do you like your evening routine?
On the days when I’m home for dinner, we eat and then I wash the dishes while Harvey plays. Then we take a bath and read books. We read three books with the whole family, and then I go into the room with him and read two more, and then I sing a song to him. After that, cleaning and then reading a book or watching TV.
How do you unpack?
I’ve played Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild a lot over the past few months. It’s nominally a sword and magic game, but it’s an open world, so if you want you can just climb mountains and collect flora and fauna and then hang glider. It’s incredibly relaxing. Also, I fiddled with a MIDI controller and tried to compose music in Pro Tools, which is a kind of unexplored country for me, because for the last ten years I have only used the program to create radio.
What are you most proud of as a parent?
Not a minute as such, but I am very proud that I have at least one child with a sense of humor. He loves to joke and come up with words, and is also just inventive and silly. All this makes me very happy.
What moment are you least proud of?
Every time I lose my patience with children, I then scold myself. Because they don’t know any better. Children have not learned to be selfless or understand why they should share or why they cannot eat yogurt at every meal. I have to teach them this. But no one will know that the big angry dumbass is yelling at them.
What do you want your children to learn from your example?
To have fun, so that music is the most important thing in the world, and dancing and singing are appropriate in any situation.
What’s your best parenting technique?
Use your child’s short attention span to your advantage. If they are afraid of something, they are often easily distracted from their anger.
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
Be present and really pay attention to your children. Put down your phone and chase them around the playground.
What’s your favorite part of the day?
Harvey usually wakes up around 6:30 every morning, takes his toy train on the subway and toy giraffe, silently climbs into our bed and either sleeps or just lies quietly for half an hour or so. It’s just a quiet admission before the day starts that he loves us and needs us. It is very nice.
The only thing I would like to say to other parents who are pursuing a career:
It doesn’t get any easier. You just come to understand that both at work and in the family, you just need to give up some things.