What If You’re a Ghost
This week we have a guy who met a beautiful girl on a dating app, had a great conversation with her, and then met up for a drink. Then she disappeared forever …
Some people have problems that require the delicate advice of a qualified professional. Others just need a random guy on the internet to kick them in the teeth (i.e. honestly). I am the last one. Welcome back to Tough Love .
Note: I am by no means a therapist or medical professional. People ask for my advice, and I give them. End of transaction. If you have any problems, please submit a formal complaint here . Now that this doesn’t get in the way, let’s continue.
Hi, Patrick,
So I’m using an online dating app, started talking to this girl last week, we talked every day, and then we met. During the week everything was great or seemed great. Phone conversations, texting, etc. The date lasted about two hours and we drank a little.
The next day I tried to text a text message and nothing … It took a few more days and I want to call her because she seemed like a cool person and I thought we had some fun. Plus we had a great conversation before our date. I guess I’m just confused. Should I just let it go and move on? We live very close to each other and we have a lot in common. Any help or advice would be great.
Thanks, Ghost Hunter
Hello ghost hunter:
Welcome to the dating site! It’s only been a few days, GH, so play calmly. Perhaps she was busy or traveling and didn’t have time to answer you. Plus, she doesn’t have to answer you on time if she doesn’t want to. Some people need space after the first meeting. Still – get ready – she probably saw you, dude . You talked, you met, and then she decided that she no longer wanted to pursue you. EVERYTHING happens. THE. TIME. So here’s what you do:
Are you ready GH?
Okay, this is it …
Nothing!
You don’t do anything. You went on a date and things didn’t work out – okay, move on. There are a million possible reasons why she saw you. Here are some examples of how random these reasons can be:
- She didn’t feel the instant spark.
- You didn’t look exactly like your photo.
- She didn’t understand your joke.
- You like the wrong sports teams.
- Her friend told her that you looked like someone she knew.
- The next day she got sick and forgot about you.
- She dates a few people and someone else stood out.
- You said you hate cats.
- She realized that she was not ready to meet again.
- You ordered a Moscow mule, and she will judge you a little.
- She still loves her ex, and you helped her figure that out.
- You were wearing a yellow shirt. She hates yellow.
- She died.
Or maybe she felt how impatient you were … The important thing here is that you don’t take her ghost personally, GH. Perhaps everything was great on your side, but maybe she was warm to her, you know? Maybe the main reason she even gave you a chance was because you live so close and then realized that her instinct showed up immediately after meeting. Who knows? You will never do that, and you have to put up with it.
After a few more days, you can send her one – exactly ONE – message to try to reconnect. Something like:
“Hi! I had a great time with you last week. Let me know if you want to do it again sometime! :)”
After that, no more. If there is no answer, then the game is over with her. Until then, keep looking at what else is in the world. Expect to meet many people while exploring the world of online dating. You may be lucky to meet someone quickly, but be prepared for the fact that it will take a long time. Good things come to those who wait – and to those who don’t fret when ignored.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.