How to Get the Most Out of College With Your Child
There is a dark idea about attending college: Once you and your child step onto the perfect campus, you just know: this is your home . In fact, it’s not like that. After a few field trips, the schools end up looking more alike than different, and you may be more confused than when you started.
You need a plan.
Whether you are the parent of a high school student who has an important decision to make this month, or a student who has yet to reach a goal, here’s what to know before you leave:
Don’t feel obligated to visit
First, going to college can be huge and time consuming, especially if you’re looking for schools outside of the state (or country!). Be aware that the compulsion to take your child with you on these tours is very recent. In fact, this is quite frustrating. Institutions that rate visitors positively on their applications place an unfair burden on families that cannot afford it, and there are even some experts who believe that travel does not actually help children make better decisions. In the New York Times , clinical psychologist Erica Reischer writes that college trips “can make it difficult for students to choose a college that suits their interests and goals,” largely because, as humans, we seem to be poor at making decisions in the present. our future self. Many adults, like me, never went to college before orientation day. And most loved the place where they ended up.
Of course, if you have the time and funds, enrolling in some schools can be beneficial. If you do decide to take a trip …
Know when to go
There is some controversy over whether it is best to attend college before or after a student is enrolled. Many people make a combination that seems like a smart choice. For students just starting out in high school, or even those in high school, going to campus can be rewarding and can give them some motivation. Work hard, kid, and you might be here.
A couple more reasons why you might want to consider attending college before your child even applies: you don’t feel pressured to make a decision by a specific deadline and you can get a general idea of what type of setting your child prefers. student (i.e. urban versus rural, large research university or personal liberal arts college), which can really help narrow down their choices. Also, if you are applying for an early decision, you will want to visit the campus earlier because some universities force you to decide if you will be attending school soon after you are enrolled.
Obviously, remember to come while students are in the dorm (not during spring or summer break). You want to see students – a lot of students, not only the most cheerful ones leading excursions, but also those who are in canteens, cafes, gyms and hanging out in ATVs.
Make some specific connections before visiting
Of course, have your teen take a formal campus tour and pick a few students at random to talk to. But if your child has specific areas of interest, it would be nice if he has several points of contact before your big trip. (Note: If they have no idea what their educational future should be, you might consider postponing their sending to an expensive four-year university.) For example, if your student wants to join a robotics club, suggest that they turn to a student officer and see if they can attend the meeting. Some professors will be more than happy to let you attend classes, even smaller ones, if they are waiting for you. You can find email addresses on the Internet quite easily – just google it. Universities can be huge, so it’s best to limit yourself to where your child is likely to spend most of their time.
Find out what students are complaining about
Take your student newspaper and read the opinions section. What are the main problems? Is there any grumbling about the ever-increasing commissions? The university may not be quick to investigate allegations of sexual harassment. Or there may have been frustration with how the school is coping with disabilities. You can see complaints about the terrible food in the hostel lately. If you find a problem that deeply worries you, you should definitely take a closer look at the discussions that are taking place around it.
Divide
Karin Beckin-Green argues on the Grown and Flown blog that parents should seriously consider not going to college with their kids. The reason: “You are different people, in different positions, look at different things,” she writes. “They need to see what they need to see, without your input or comments. You can tell them in advance what to look for. You can talk after the tour about what they liked and what they didn’t like, but let them give their own first reactions to this place, which could be their home for the next few years. “
I’m not sure if I can completely give up something like this, especially if I spend my savings on it, but I understand the reasoning. I know I wouldn’t like it if my parents bombarded me with comments while visiting campus (“Oh my gosh, this place is amazing! Don’t you like it here? You should like it here!” Or “Oh my god, why Does everyone have so many piercings? ”) If you are on campus all day, consider parting with your child for at least a fraction of that time so they can experience the student lifestyle on their own. And when you meet, try to bite your tongue as much as possible. Be there to support your child, not make decisions for him or her. Remind them that there is no perfect college for anyone – that is really what you think of school when you get there.
Think of it as an opportunity for unification.
If the sole purpose of your college visits is to mark a checklist of questions and prerequisites, this is likely to be a pretty stressful experience for both you and your child. You can get the information you need and turn it into a meaningful and memorable journey. In truth, this time in your life as a parent can be bittersweet. Your child is not going to be a child for long, and it may be difficult for you to spend several days with him, let alone several hours. College trips can be a great excuse to do this. Use Daytripper University to find accommodations, local restaurants, and nearby attractions. And take the time to stop and watch your raised teen with eyes wide open. Damn it, they’re going to college!