How to Convince Someone You Live With to Get Rid of Their Belongings
Getting rid of old or useless junk can make you feel happy and free, but not everyone shares this mindset. Whether it’s a rat-old chair your spouse won’t give up on, an oversupply of utensils in the kitchen, or a collection of weird posters your roommate has hung in your living room, there are ways to compromise when it’s time to do a thorough spring cleaning.
At Lifehacker, we take spring cleaning very seriously. We are far from missing out on an opportunity to refresh, reorganize and streamline our home life. We’re also very excited to hit the reset button with our technology, take a close look at our finances, and get the better of our day-to-day habits that have gotten a little musty. Welcome to Spring Cleaning Week as we clear away the winter cobwebs and set the stage for the sunny days ahead. Let’s clean up, okay?
First, show an example
Before you say anything to your roommate about their affairs, you need to get your own stuff a little cluttered. After all, how can you expect someone to agree to throw things away if you don’t want to do the same. They need to see that you are open to getting rid of things, otherwise they will think that your mission is to get rid of only their things. It will feel like a personal attack rather than a collaborative effort to clean up the place.
Focus on one thing at a time
When you get their attention, find the one thing that drives you crazy and start a dialogue about it. If possible, it’s best to start with smaller, less sentimental items and then build up gradually. This is how you plant the seeds for getting rid of excess debris. They need to slowly and gradually understand that when something goes away, it is not the end of the world.
Get their point of view and then share yours.
Ask them questions about the subject matter, but in any case do not make fun of them. Again, this should be a positive open discussion of the subject. Here are some sample questions:
- Why do you think you need to leave it?
- What is your goal for this?
- When was the last time you used / watched this?
- Is there anyone else who might find this useful?
Once you have a better understanding of what they think about the subject, you can explain your point of view. Tell them what worries you about keeping this item. Don’t just say, “I hate this.” Explain to them why the item makes you feel negative.
The key to this job is that no one is perceived as the “bad guy” in the given situation. It is not you who are forcing them to get rid of something, and it is not their giving up. These are two people who disagree about whether the item is suitable for the home. Make it clear.
Be prepared to compromise
At this point, they can fold and agree to dispose of the item if they are not attached to it. But don’t hold your breath. Be prepared to make a deal with them. Maybe they can keep this item for themselves if you are allowed to get rid of the other. Or, perhaps they will agree to find a better place for him, where he does not bother you so much (for example, some kind of storage). Or, if the item is just old and tattered, you can offer to help replace it with something newer and less crude. Finding the right deal for your situation can be tricky, but there are several options you can try.
Try the box trick
There is a classic trash-cleaning trick where you pick up items that you aren’t sure you should be storing and then put them in a box so they can’t be seen . After a certain amount of time – usually from several months to a year – you get rid of everything that you did not need during this period of time.
Suggest this method for things that you want to throw away with your roommate. Put something from your mess in the box and then ask them to shove their things in there. Take the box to your garage, attic, closet, or other location in your home that has no road, and allow time to pass. This works for two reasons: They finally realize that they don’t need the items they hide in the drawers, and they have time to see how much cleaner and more organized the house will become if these items are taken out of the way.
Offer to donate or sell them an item
Maybe your partner or roommate doesn’t like spending money and just keeps things because they think they are useful or valuable – and they might be right. You can appeal to their frugality by offering to donate or sell things yourself. This will help you clean up the clutter of the house so they can relax knowing that someone else will need these items anyway. And if you manage to sell their stuff, they’ll appreciate the extra cash in their pocket. This trick also works wonders when the person is lazy and just doesn’t want to go into the process of getting rid of things.
Establish some agreed ground rules
You can avoid a lot of trouble in the future by establishing ground rules for the parts of your house after a big cleaning. Start by setting space limits to keep drawers, bookshelves, and other storage areas from overcrowding, and identify common and personal areas. In common areas, all parties must agree on points there. You can emphasize the fact that these areas will be easier to clean if there is less clutter in them. In personal areas, people can store whatever they want there, within reason. Their job is to clean this area and you will never have to step there.