It Takes 90 Hours to Make a New Friend
You probably know that adding people to your inner circle takes time, but how long it actually takes to go from strangers to friends has still been a mystery. New research shows that you need to spend at least 90 hours with someone before they consider you a true friend.
A report published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that it usually takes about 50 hours together to go from an acquaintance to a “casual friend” (think of the drinking buddies or friends of friends you see at parties); about 90 hours to become a real “friend” (both of you will take the time to specifically interact with each other); and over 200 hours to form a BFF-type bond (you feel an emotional connection with this friend).
To be clear, these are waking hours when you do things together. It could be anything exciting coffee, watching TV, playing games, etc., as long as you both prefer to spend time with them. This means that, according to the study, the hours you earned working with someone don’t really matter. Colleagues can, of course, become friends, but for this you need to spend time together outside the workplace.
So what does knowing these numbers mean to you? Well, this highlights an important aspect of friendship that we all sometimes forget about: personal investment. Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies and lead author of the report, explains that making friends really comes down to spending time. According to him , “you can’t snap your fingers and find a friend.” Don’t hang out with someone a couple of times for several hours and already be “best friends.” Give the people you like their time, hope they give you theirs, and focus on having a good time. Friendship will follow.
If you’re not sure where you are with someone you consider a friend (or friend candidate), try Hall’s interactive friendship tool . He asks you a few questions about how much time you spend with this person, how long you know him and how you feel about him, and then compares your situation to a dataset. Try it.