Introducing As I Am a Parent
We are launching a new column “How I am a parent”, inspired by Lifehacker’s “How I Work” series . We will be asking moms and dads to share their perspectives on their daily lives and their best practices and routines to achieve this goal. The column originated from the idea of a member of our Facebook group , who today tells us how she combines her career with raising two children. There is no one size fits all parenting template – this is how some make it work.
Name: Stephanie Vogt Location : Houston, TX Job: Senior Auditor at CPA firm Briggs & Veselka Family: Husband and two children (3-year-old son and 18-month-old daughter)
Tell us about your family and your career.
I started my career a little later than most. I returned to school at 27 when I realized I couldn’t get any further than an office manager without a degree. When my husband and I realized that it was time to start planning a family, I was in the second or last semester at school. I was working on an accountant degree to leverage my accounting and office management experience and was planning to get my CPA license. My husband and I were very lucky with the birth rate, and I got pregnant the very first month we tried. Somehow I was able to prepare for and pass the CPA exam while working with a child at home in my first year as an auditor.
Since then I have experienced a promotion, pregnancy, maternity leave and another child. I was able to plan my pregnancy according to my company’s annual work cycle, so that I was on maternity leave during the least busy times and returned during the busiest times. Government accounting is highly seasonal, with a lot of overtime expected in the spring, while the schedule is more relaxed in the summer and fall. We have great flexibility and autonomy during working hours.
Tell us about your morning routine. What are your best tricks to get your kids out the door?
To be honest, it’s chaos. We try to stick to our routine, but it doesn’t always work. I try to get up around 5:30 am, so I have the opportunity to have a cup of coffee and exercise before the kids wake up around 6:30 or 7:00. Usually, when I shower, do my hair and makeup, my husband dresses the kids. Breakfast for them is usually a bag of yogurt and dry cereal or a bar. My kids are young enough that we can literally carry them out the door, but we usually bribe them with a treat for the car – raisins, apple slices, Easter egg with Goldfish crackers – to speed things up. We aim to leave by 7: 30-7: 45 so that I can drop the children off and be at work by 9 am. In the mornings, when everything goes to hell, because we 1) overslept (this happens often) or 2) the children woke up too early (this happens even more often), we put them in front of the TV or tablet so that we can get ready and go out ourselves Door.
How do you share household and childcare responsibilities between you and your partner?
I was very lucky with my husband. He is a very passionate father and partner. At this time of the year, I work 50-60 hours a week. At night, when I work late (at 22:00), my husband takes care of everything – feed the children and put them to bed, and wash the dishes. If everything goes according to plan, I might come home and fall into bed. Also, I am at the office on Saturday mornings during high season. On Saturdays, my husband is responsible for ensuring that the children dress, feed and entertain them until 2:00 pm when I get home.
Because of the age of our children, when we are both at home, we have a divide and conquer mentality. Both children are small and need a lot of one-on-one attention, so usually one of us cooks while the other plays with the children or watches them on the street. Household chores really only happen when the kids are sleeping or at school. We don’t have a set routine for one of us to do the laundry and the other washes the dishes or something like that – we just see what needs to be done and share as we go. Most weeks, we sit down for a few minutes on Sunday to talk about each other’s workloads, discuss which nights we both need to go to a networking event or work late, and see if we have any social obligations or time and energy. for a date. This weekly “check” helps make sure we have what we need.
How much outside help do you get as a parent?
Our families live a few hours away; it’s really all on us, although we have full-time day care from Monday to Friday. Once or twice a month, a housekeeper comes to us and does a general cleaning, because we prefer to spend Saturday with our family than to wash the toilets. We also have the ability to pick up groceries from the curb at our local grocery store, which is your go-to.
What gadgets, apps, or tools do you rely on?
Google Calendars – my husband and I are about six. We keep track of family gatherings, doctor appointments, social events, and bills. We use Facebook video chat at night, when one of us is working late or traveling. This allows us to see the children and say goodnight every night. Snapchat allows us to quickly share photos and videos with kids. I rely heavily on the reminders on my iPhone to remember to give my kids medication when they are sick, make sure the drinking cups are cleaned for school, and so on.
Has the way you work changed the way you become a parent?
I had to learn to work smarter, not longer. I spend much less time at work “killing time” and more time minding my own business to go home and be with my family. In government accounting, a lot of attention is paid to billable hours; I have learned to use this watch as efficiently as possible so that I can still live outside of work.
How do you unpack?
Soap TV ( Grey’s Anatomy , This Is Us ), bedtime meditation and yoga at home when I can. I also try to run 2-3 times a week before my kids wake up.
What are you most proud of as a working parent?
The other day my mom-to-be, a friend, and her husband told me that they really admire the way my husband and I have it all together. Considering that 97% of the time I feel a mess, that means a lot. Also, I got my CPA license. I went through the stage in my seventh month of pregnancy to get my license after a lot of hard work. As soon as I received my certificate, my then 20-month-old son ran up to me, hugged me tightly and did not let go. My husband, mom, grandfather and relatives were here to celebrate this event. I will linger on this moment for a while.
What moment are you least proud of?
Last week my kids had an Easter egg hunt at school and my son was the only one who didn’t have a basket in the class. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked where his basket was. I was heartbroken and crushed. I was so busy with work that I didn’t have time to find one for him.
What do you want your children to learn from your example?
It’s okay to be “enough.” I’m not a Pinterest mom. I probably will never be a cool mom. But I care and I try to put family first. I am a really strong employee, but I will probably never become a superstar, and that’s okay. Also, I want them to know that gender roles are bullshit. My husband cooks and cleans as much, if not more, than me, and I usually work outside the home more than he does. It works.
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
A watch is really like two full-time jobs. I’m lucky to have a supportive, motivated partner and a good professional job, but it would be nice to be able to just go home and disconnect for a while in the evenings. Most of my peers at work are younger and have no children. They can work late, go to happy hour, go home, go to bed, wake up, and start over the next morning. I have an endless to-do list. Even when I feel like I was caught, I constantly worry that I forgot about something important, which makes it difficult for me to relax.
What’s your favorite part of the day?
Early in the morning when my son just wakes up. We sit on the couch, I drink my coffee, and he tells me what he wants to do that day, or what he did the night before. This is our special time. It’s even better on weekend mornings when we let him go to bed with us and we sleep a little longer and he just stares at me like I’m the only person in his world. That’s when I realize that I’m doing something right. I can’t wait for my daughter to grow up and we can build these bonds too.
What would you say to other working parents?
The balance will not always be 50/50. You will rarely, if ever, have the perfect day when you can leave work at work and leave home at home. Sometimes you need to be more family. On other days, you should have more work to do. My goal is, on average, this is all balanced. People always say it’s going to get easier, but I don’t think it’s true. I have friends with teenagers who are also not easy, it’s just another job.