Have Your Child Write an Angry Letter to Defuse Tantrums.
The most effective tool for hysteria? No, it’s not YouTube Kids for a distraction, or ice cream as an offer of bribery, or a shower as a place to lock yourself in until you scream, ” But I wanted to eat my soup with chopsticks!” subside. Instead, you may need a pen and paper to help your child deal with their emotions in the midst of a crisis.
In her book, Don’t Share Nothing Like It , early childhood expert Heather Schumaker writes that tantrums are the perfect time to ask your child to write a letter to someone they have great feelings for. If they don’t know how to write yet, no problem – you can write their words the way they dictate. What matters is that they transfer their emotions from their head to a page that they can see, touch and hold. Why it works: “Writing makes the child feel appreciated and listened to, and it is often more important to her than getting her way,” explains Schumaker.
I have tried this technique several times with my 5 year old daughter and it has proven to be helpful. She told me why she was angry with me, and I wrote down her complaint word for word, without additional mother’s comments. (Maintaining your defenses against this can be difficult, but it is important. At this stage, you just let your child be heard.) The last letter my child dictated said, “Dear Mom, I’m angry that you didn’t do this. let me play longer. ” She signed her name at the bottom and that’s it.
Schumaker writes that you may have to start the letter for the child. “Dear dad, I’m so angry,” and let them take it from there. The idea is not to give them what they wanted – a donut before dinner, that cool robot toy they just saw in the store, an extra bedtime performance – but to help them express their feelings. After that, they will feel better, just like adults, when they write anger-filled letters that they may or may not ever send.
After that, when the child has calmed down, you can help him solve any problem that needs to be solved, or just move on. Children will learn that writing something down does not lead to magical action, but provides an emotional release, and this is often enough.