If Words Hurt, It’s Because You Let Them
Welcome back to Mid-Week Meditations , Lifehacker’s weekly dip in the pool of stoic wisdom and a guide to using its waters to meditate and improve your life.
This week’s selection comes from Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations , a collection of personal notes he wrote to himself that were never intended to be published. In the fourth book, Aurelius gives us an example of the power of our perception of the world and the often terrible loud people in it:
“Take away your opinion, and then the complaint will disappear:“ I have been harmed. ” Remove the “I have been harmed” complaint and the harm is removed. What does not make a person worse than he was, also does not worsen his life and does not harm him either from the outside or from the inside. “
Or it is easier to translate as:
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel hurt. Don’t feel hurt – and you didn’t. “
What does it mean
Basically, it’s a stoic version of sticks and stones or haters will hate. What people say or do can’t hurt you if you don’t allow it. You choose to be hurt, hurt, embarrassed, angry, or defensive. If you decide that what has been said or done means nothing to you, you don’t feel anything and thus hasn’t changed.
What to take from there
Random people in your world have no control over your mind and emotions. All of this is under your control, or at least it should be. If a stranger says something rude or does something with the intent to humiliate you, he doesn’t do anything to you at all. They only fuel their anger and lack of control over their own lives. Don’t be like them. Let their words and actions be reflected. Choose not to be influenced by other people and you won’t.
Yes, people can harm us physically, and loved ones can insult us morally. These things are out of your control and need to be dealt with as they come in. But from everything else – minor remarks, insults, lies, attacks on our character – you are protected, if you want. As Aurelius put it: “What does not make a person worse than he was, also does not make his life worse …” In most cases, there is no reason why someone’s negative words or actions should have any effect on you … all.
You can read the entire book of Meditations for free here .