Don’t Invite Your Partner to a Friend’s Event
When you fall in love, it seems like you never want to spend a moment away from your loved one. How fun for everyone you hang out with.
A friend recently shared a story of her weekend plans with two of her friends, which suddenly turned into the couple’s seclusion after they invited their boyfriends. Surprise, you are the fifth wheel! It reminded me of so many times when I thought I was going to hang myself one-on-one with a buddy I haven’t seen in a long time, only to discover that it was actually one-on-two. And not in a cool, sexy manner. This is why you should keep your friend dates and dates separate.
That’s rough
Of course, there will be times when your friends and your lover will meet. Maybe even a family will be. Who knows. However, if you have plans to meet a specific person and ask at the last minute if your partner can join – or worse, don’t ask, but just bring him in – that’s pretty rude. We have to choose with whom to spend time reasonably, and perhaps your friend was not expecting to spend the evening with a couple. Or several pairs. They will not feel like they can say no, and this is not fair to them. No one should enter this extra wheel without his permission.
It changes dynamics
It’s frustrating if it happens when it’s just you and a couple, but it can also be weird when one person comes on a date to, say, meet up with college friends. No one else brought the date because they implicitly (or explicitly) understood that this would be a night of inner jokes, memories and guesswork. Don’t be the person who brings in some rando, who sits at the cheese plate and needs to be explained.
If you just had to spend time with one friend, they probably don’t know your partner as well as they know you. Perhaps they needed to talk about something more personal than they can share with a virtual stranger. Pay attention to how long you haven’t seen them in private. They may need your full attention.
You need your own life
Shouting popularly: “I’m marrying my best friend!” but that feeling gave rise to this strange idea that your romantic partner should satisfy all of your needs. They are your best friend, your lover, your roommate, your second parent. It’s great to love and trust someone so much, but spending time apart will make that connection richer. Both of you will grow up and have experiences of your own beyond your relationship that you can handle together. Later. Possibly much later, because this is an evening of little things only for women and the rosé wine flows.
Not all romantic relationships last.
Unfortunately, the person you insisted on that Napa weekend wine tasting in all the photos was not The One! Maybe you have extremely tolerant (read: rags) friends who allow you to bring a new date to every elaborate party they throw. This is very nice of them, but try to take into account how long you have been dating before trying to nudge them into an experience meant for your close, longtime friends. It’s great to take a chance on love, but don’t force others to take chances with you.
All of this may sound pretty harsh. Maybe you’re sure that your friends will always greet the person you are dating with open arms and definitely won’t write to each other about it behind your back. But maybe you should ask – in advance.