What to Consider Before a Public Offering
If you are already planning a surprise public offering, you may be too deeply aware that this is probably not the best idea. However, if you’re ready to hit pause, you might want to go through this checklist before starting a flash mob.
There are many different surprise offers and we are not talking about surprising your partner with a sunset ring on your favorite hike. We’re talking about huge, elaborate and extremely public offers that more or less force your partner to either say yes or humiliate you to the point. There isa whole genre of suggestions on YouTube that fail if you think it never happens.
A recent public offering at the Emmy Awards from Glenn Weiss to Ian Svendsen prompted The Cut to interview Lisa Hoplock, a research fellow at the University of Manitoba, who “literally earned her PhD. in marriage proposals . ”Hoplock thinks a lot about why public offers keep coming in, although data shows that 85 percent of people prefer an offer to be made privately. partner.
Afraid they’ll say no?
Hoplock says there isn’t much research on the topic, apparently beyond her own work. However, she believes that many of the public offerings are motivated by a deep uncertainty that the person being asked will say no and getting caught in public will give him an additional boost. You know to devote yourself to you for the rest of your life:
“Proposers may be trying to confuse someone because the audience knows the script and wants to get the person to say yes,” she says. “If there is hesitation [on the part of the person being asked], the audience can step in and start chanting ‘Say yes! Say yes!'”
This is not necessarily a new idea. In 2012, the BBC interviewed psychologist Glenn Wilson, who essentially said the same thing:
“Perhaps some men think that this will put pressure on her and increase the likelihood of getting a positive response, that she should think that he really loves her if he goes to such troubles and tricks.”
As soon as the word “deception” appears in the plans of marriage, it is time for introspection.
Do you know what your partner really wants?
Many of the stories of women, in particular, on public offerings include their statements about what they are, to some extent would prefer private, including Swanson. If you’re seriously considering getting married, I hope you’ve already talked about it with the person you’re proposing to. What has your partner said about this in the past? Happlock says that of the nearly 700 stories she researched, many included one poor woman who said something like, “He should have known better.”
But there are people who genuinely want these public proposals and may have already told you this; in this case you are clean. Check with a couple of friends and family members of your lover twice, though, to be more confident. Or, just stand up and discuss the problem with your partner. If the two of you have discussed your feelings about the marriage and how your partner might like to be formally proposed, the details of the proposal may still come as a surprise, and you don’t have to worry about you accidentally doing them. inconvenient.
Are you doing this for yourself or for your partner?
If you know what your partner wants and this is not a public offering, it might be time to admit that you are really doing it for yourself; this is Haplock’s guess:
“You can speculate about who these people are,” she says. “People who like attention to themselves, maybe people with narcissism … but no proof yet!”
It’s hard to say for sure, but let’s remember how much hype went up in 2016 after another athlete, Qin Kai , was nominated for Olympic silver medalist He Tzu during the awards ceremony . Perhaps she was thrilled that the special moment was made even more special … or he could be the distracted hog that stole her attention. At the very least, be honest that you want your proposal to get the most attention, and be prepared to accept the possible consequences.