Why Sleeping With Your Ex Can’t Be a Terrible Idea
We all agree that there is nothing worse for getting rid of your ex than sleeping with him again. Or two more times. Right? Bad idea. Unless … until it turns out it’s really good for you.
In a new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers attempted to establish why we all think having sex with an ex is undeniably bad. There is no scientific evidence to support our cultural belief that having sex prevents you from overcoming it or moving on to someone else. This is just common sense, but common sense often fails scientific research.
In fact, the data comes from two different studies – the first looked at the day-to-day experiences of 113 participants, each of whom had recently experienced a breakup. Then, two months later, the same participants completed an online survey asking if they had attempted “physical contact” with their exes. He also asked how emotionally attached they were to this ex on a daily basis.
In the second study, 372 participants reported “actual intercourse or attempted sexual contact” with their ex and asked about their emotional attachment to them. They found that most people who tried to hang out with their ex succeed (shocking). However, even those people who had sex with their ex seemed to have recovered from their breakup as usual. Meanwhile, sex made them feel more positive about life in general, even if it was with someone they had broken up with.
“This study suggests that social arm-twisting about attempting to have sex with an ex may be unwarranted,” says Spielmann, who believes the findings challenge conventional beliefs. “The fact that sex with an ex is found to be most readily persecuted by those who have difficulty moving forward suggests that we should perhaps instead be more critical of the motivations of the people behind having sex with an ex.”
The results are inconclusive, but the researchers believe this is a good idea of how people move away from breakups and their overall mental health. It can help you feel better – maybe you can remember why you broke up, if the sex is bad or the connection is lost. It can give some people a sense of isolation and a way to physically say goodbye.
However, constantly sleeping with someone you’re supposed to end up with can simply lengthen the breakup period. This is not in the study, just personal observation. If you must indulge yourself, remember when you step over the dating line again. Or when it distracts you from new, better people to have sex with. Sometimes the only way to move on is to actually move on.