Have a Morning Parent and an Evening Parent
When my daughter was an infant, my husband and I had no idea what we were doing, so we did most of the parenting tasks together. We sat together in a cramped bathroom and bathed our baby, taking turns making helicopter sounds, feeding her with spoonfuls of avocado puree, and changing her diaper as one person lifted her legs and another wiped her off. Eventually, as she got older and we became more capable, we realized: no one has time for all this!
We started to separate responsibilities because we found the obvious – you can do more with a divide and conquer approach. Some families take this concept even further. At the home of attorney Rebecca Feike, there are designated “morning parents” (her husband) and “evening parents” (her). In The Best of Two Worlds podcast with Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger, Fike talked about how this sharp separation gives both parents more freedom and allows them to better interact with their three children.
Her husband, she explains, works the morning shift: “He runs all morning – eating breakfast for the children, picking them up, packing their meals and taking them to school. I don’t participate in this at all. ” That way, if Fike has an appointment in the morning, she can just get up and leave without feeling guilty. And if she is at home, she can relax and chat with the children at the table – no need to worry about whether their teeth are being brushed or whether their backpacks are at the door, since this is parenting in the morning. Later, she goes on a personal shift, giving her husband the opportunity to relax. They still have a lot of time with their family, but no one should be on the watch 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. “It works really well for us,” she says.
This type of installation, of course, can only be created by families with two parents living in the same house. And it probably won’t work if your kids are very young. (Try explaining to a 2-year-old who knocks on your bathroom door, “Mom is not on duty right now!”). In addition, it requires a certain amount of trust in the partner and the system as a whole. (If you’re starting to feel like parenting is far off, it’s time to rethink your strategy.)
However, if that’s an option for you, appointing a morning parent and an evening parent can give each partner the opportunity to recharge and possibly build their lives beyond raising their children. And it can make everyone in the house happier, including children.