Use Dating Apps While Traveling to See a New Place
As a tourist, you always suspect that you are having a very personal and commercial experience. Sometimes these shiny, created things can be fun, but if you want more, there’s a great way to get it: go on a date with a local.
This suggestion is based on personal experience, as well as an essay for the Guardian by Debbie Kent, in which she recommends keeping an eye on strangers to get an idea of which routes a local will take during the day. She considers this an artistic exercise and tries to make it clear that she is not going to scare anyone:
I tell myself that I’m not stalking the man in pink pants – I don’t know his name or anything about him, and when he leaves a public place on the street to enter a private apartment building, I dump him and find my own way back to the central square of the Republic.
Personally, I think that following people without their knowledge is unpleasant, although in art this has surfaced many times before. Performance artist Vito Acconci did much the same in the sixties and even photographed his stamps. Grant says her “Follow the Stranger” project is part of the instructions of the Serbian artist Milos Tomic , with whom she works. I cannot recommend this as a strategy for the masses, especially as a woman being watched by strangers who may or may not have made a piece of art, but who definitely scared me.
But I can recommend another way to see the city from the point of view of the locals: go on a date with one of them! I do this all the time when I travel. It’s not always easy, but it can mean visiting places you might not even know about, from bars to restaurants to pretty streets tucked away from the main streets. Here are some tips for organizing a customized excursion with someone who knows their city.
Be honest
If I’m looking for someone on a dating app who might want to meet me for a drink, I always quote my bio that I will only be in town for a little while. When it comes to dating, you can spend a lot of time and energy. If anyone is looking for something serious, I want them to know that I am just going through before they decide to meet. If we match, I sometimes reach out and just repeat when I leave and when I’m ready to meet, so it’s even clearer.
Another option that worked was to ask people I know in the place I visit if they have single friends who could go somewhere. Yes, you can ask your friends to do the same tour, but I have had cases where they were not available. They may still know someone cute who would like to spend the evening. The funny thing is, most people who are excited about the idea of meeting a stranger are usually more spontaneous and open to adventure.
Be safe
The same rules apply to dating apps when you’re in a new city, only to a greater extent. Meet someone for the first time in a public place, which you can check in advance. Yes, I often meet unexpected people, but I always try to get to know them in places where I feel safe. If things are going well, I ask for their last name and send a screenshot of their photos to a friend. I know it sounds ominous, but in fact, strangers can be very strange. I am lucky and have never seen such precautions, but I always take them.
Ask for advice
I have had people who cannot or do not want to date, but who really wanted to tell me what I should check. If several locals in a row tell you to go somewhere, you should go. They know the line between what visitors love and what is generally a tourist trap. They are also willing to give this advice. People often want to give advice on how to enjoy a place they love. I found several people who once asked me out and recommended what to do on my next date. There are very generous people.
One night stand is good – or skip it
I told people about this exercise, and most of them thought I was sleeping with everyone I met. If I did , I wouldn’t be ashamed of it. However, I find it a little sad that most people think that this is the only reason someone has met you.
Yes, there are definitely some very direct messages in my apps that only offer a tour of the bedroom. Despite what people might think, many more people want to meet, talk about their life with a stranger, and enjoy seeing their surroundings with new eyes. In a way, dating a guest can be a little vacation for you.
Eme Lyutkin is a freelance writer who blogs a lot about dating . She currently travels the country and is going on a date in every city she visits.