Your Newly Divorced Friend Needs to Be Fed
While divorce can be a positive life change, it is one of the most emotional and stressful experiences a person can go through. It feels like a person you loved dearly died, and his slightly petty, randomly violent, but sometimes nostalgic ghost haunts you, mostly through random texts and social media. It’s just awful, and feeding yourself during this process can be a real struggle.
A divorced person is, in most cases, a person who is grieving, and grieving people find it difficult to keep themselves in good health. Just like feeding a friend whose love has died, feeding a friend who is going through a divorce (or any major breakup) is an act of compassion that can go a long way. Cooking a casserole is never a bad plan, but there are other ways to feed your broken heart buddy, some of which don’t require you to cook.
First, consider what kind of grief eaters they are.
Everyone grieves in different ways, and everyone eats differently when they are grieving. While your first urge may be to feed your friend a gluttonous comfort food, keep in mind that stress can wreak havoc on digestion, so a simple poached chicken and white rice dish can be more soothing than greasy pizza. However, if they really lean towards Ben & Jerry’s, toss in a couple of pints along with your favorite chips and something healthier to balance the frozen dairy desserts. (Fresh food is always good, especially citrus fruits that are easily peeled, pre-cut pineapples or vegetables, and a really good dish .)
Minimize or eliminate work on their part
Cooking is a job, and chances are your friend already has a job. Heating something may seem easy, but everyday activities can become overwhelming when your whole life is in disarray. Everyone has their favorite soothing sandwich – for me, it’s Bologna and American cheese on white bread – and by stopping by my place with all the accessories, your friend will be able to prepare food without heating anything. Also, stay awake at the diner . Meats, cheeses , really good crackers and all kinds of pickled foods are very easy to eat when depressed, and it doesn’t look like a depressed person eats.
If they’re ready for a little cooking hooking up, grab some great frozen food – Trader Joe’s has some good ones – or instant ramen with their favorite flavor, or mac and cheese. Again, try adding some vegetables – adding even a handful of frozen vegetables to instant ramen will increase the nutritional factor.
Embrace the modern world we live in
Don’t force your friend to go out and sit in a restaurant, because spontaneous crying in a restaurant is usually frowned upon. Instead, dive into the golden age of apps and gift a friend with a gift card for any food delivery service popular in your area. (You can also order them food directly from a restaurant, but this will require a timeline and they may not be the right fit for that.)
If you’re not sure which of these approaches is best for your future divorce, ask , making sure they are not under any pressure to hang out or eat with you, but that you’re there again if needed. Being a good friend during times of stress doesn’t mean reading minds, but making people feel less alone, especially when they struggle with feelings of isolation and abandonment. At the very least, stopping by with a batch of freshly baked cookies or a bowl of hot soup will show them that someone thinks and cares about them, which can be easily forgotten during a divorce.