I’m the Author of the Cocktail Book and Bar Manager Jeffrey Morgenthaler, and This Is How I Eat

Jeffrey Morgenthaler prepared many drinks. While I’m sure he hates the phrase “famous bartender”, it cannot be denied that his techniques and cocktails are well known, and it cannot be denied that they are very good indeed. Besides being very good at alcohol, Jeff is also very good at food and was kind enough to sit down with me and talk about mayonnaise, fast food and why Instant Pot eggs suck.

Location: Portland, Oregon

Current job: Bar Manager, Clyde Common and Pepe Le Moco, author of The Bar Book: Elements of Cocktail Technique and Drinking Distillation: A User’s Guide .

One word that describes how you eat: comfort.

What do you eat for breakfast?

My breakfast schedule is this: I get up, walk three and a half miles to the cafe, grab a coffee, walk three and a half miles back, and then I have a protein shake. [Laughs] I know. I have one of those weird bodybuilders – I’m not a bodybuilder and I do n’t go to the gym – but I have one of those protein shakes that I love. I don’t even know what it’s called.

What scent is it?

Chocolate. And I mix it with frozen bananas, a spoonful of peanut butter, and a little milk. It just prevents me from eating a bunch of horse shit in the morning, because by then I had already had a cup of coffee and had been walking for two hours. I’m starving and either I’m adding this low-calorie chocolate protein shake to my body, or I like to go fast to McDonald’s and eat like four English muffins. So it’s just to satisfy your hunger.

What kind of coffee do you drink?

I drink in a cafe with milk.

Your weekend is not a regular weekend [because of bartending], but do you do it on weekends as well?

Almost every day. Unless it is pouring rain or I have nothing to do in the morning.

It’s a lot of walking.

Yes, but I read my podcasts, emails and phone calls. You know, I call my parents once a week, call my friends and do my work on the phone.

It’s a pretty good morning routine. Do you have a favorite fast food breakfast? Is that Egg McMuffin?

No. In fact, I usually don’t eat fast food breakfast. I usually eat fast food late, late at night if I’m going to go fast food. But breakfast … do they still have McGriddle?

Is it with syrup?

Yeah, pancake in syrup. The McGriddle sausage would be number one. And I love burritos for breakfast.

When do you have lunch?

Somewhere between noon and two before I get to work.

Do you dine here [at Clyde Common] or do you eat at home before going to work?

I either cook or I like to walk somewhere in the neighborhood.

Do you have a usual place?

I play a lot of poker on the street. And I go to Lardot and Grasse a lot. I go to all the diners in the neighborhood. Unless I meet a friend or find someone for lunch. Usually either this or I cook most of the time. I cook half the time.

You cook a lot. Do you do a lot of things and then eat them for a week?

In general, yes. I wish I had a chest freezer or a freezer room.

You can get small!

I don’t even have a place for this. It should be in my bedroom, which I don’t mind [laughs]. I also like the sound – this “buzz”.

Yes, that would make good white noise. See? Here’s a life hack.

You don’t need a fan in your bedroom. But yes, I do a lot of things and then I freeze and then I come back to it.

You recently did jambalaya. How long did it last for you?

As we speak, I have two pints of jambalaya in my freezer. So, I make six servings, eat four of them, and then put two in the refrigerator or freezer.

Do you have something that you do every week, or would you like to change it?

Really simple. Only tuna, Best Foods mayonnaise, coarsely ground peppers and sea salt flakes.

Maldon or Jacobson?

It’s Maldon now, but I have no preference; I just use what is cheaper at the store.

Speaking of mayonnaise.

[Laughs] Let’s get down to the smallest.

Let’s talk . Do you have a favorite brand other than Hellmann’s or Best Foods, whatever the name is?

Yes. And this is Calve Raffinata. You cannot get it here.

Where did you take it?

In Europe.

Certainly.

Every time I travel to Europe, I go to the store and find Calvé Raffinata. And this is the best mayonnaise in my life. It’s so rich. It’s so thick and creamy. This is the kind of mayonnaise you wouldn’t – I would never add it to a tuna sandwich. It’s too good. You put it in a mold and dip the vegetables in it. It’s so good. Supplied in a tube.

And you can’t order this online or something?

I tried and couldn’t find. They make other products that you can get, but you can’t get that particular one, which I think is olive oil [mayonnaise].

Do you make your own mayonnaise?

Yes. I am using a Kenji immersion blender . But I don’t do it that often because I find it spoils faster than Best Foods, which is quite difficult for me – I eat a lot of mayonnaise, but I find it hard to survive like a pint a week.

Do you have any other condiments or condiments besides mayonnaise that you add to everything?

I have some Za’atar brought to me from Israel, it’s amazing. I love black sesame seeds in my ramen. I really like Korean-American ramen with American cheese.

Are you making an egg in it too?

Oh my gosh. Some meat from the freezer. I’m doing – I think it’s Cook’s Illustrated – steaming an egg . Small pot. Half an inch of water. Eggs in. Heat to medium / medium-high. Cover on. Once it boils, steam it for seven minutes.

How are they cleaned?

Like a fucking paradise. This is the best method; they become soft and peel off. They cleanse like nothing you’ve ever cleansed.

Have you tried Instant Pot Eggs yet?

I loved and I didn’t like it. It took too long. [There is] too much hardware and I didn’t find it as peelable as everyone said. Maybe I was wrong. I did it once. I’ve already used the steaming method, then I tried it, and then I thought, “Why am I doing this?” Because there’s no time at all to put half an inch of water into a pot and heat it up for seven minutes.

But do you like your Instant Pot?

Yes, but I don’t cook food in it.

Do you cook things like beans?

Beans. Rice. Stock. But I love cooking so much that whatever … get the chili, right? I know it’s great in Instant Pot, but I love making chili. I don’t have to do this in 45 minutes because I don’t have a family of four to feed, right? This is just me. So I just turn on the music and cook the chili, I don’t need to speed it up.

I think it turned into “when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” The same thing happened with sous vide.

Exactly! And now I use both of these tools for one or two things. As with sous vide, I make pork chops – double pork chops. You couldn’t do it the traditional way like it should. Better with sous vide. But you’re right, everyone said, “Oh, you need sous vide burgers.” What the hell do I want to make sous-vide-burgers ? Why am I watching hot dogs ? People were like sous-video, everything was like [hot] chocolate milk! Such as? I have a microwave.

You go through all the blogs and they say, “You can cook every dish.” I don’t want to fry the chicken in the Instant Pot. It’s disgusting. And I have an oven and I have an hour. But I think microwaves were the same when they first appeared.

Do you have a microwave?

Yeah. He came with a house. It’s built in. I use it to heat water or heat things up. I don’t cook anything in it. This is for boiling water if you need to quickly boil water for [something] like the French press. Because it is neither better nor worse than doing it on the stove; it’s just faster. It doesn’t seem like the water tastes differently. And then sometimes I take something out of the fridge. I had some [already cooked] Ortega tacos, so I cooked nacho for New Years. How else are you going to do this? You’re going to do it in the microwave.

I will make a small amount of simple syrup in the microwave because I don’t need a huge bottle or simple syrup all the time. This is my little microwave trick.

This is a really good way to do it. As long as you want, watch him and do not boil.

I’m going to overheat something someday.

And in general, where does it explode?

Yeah. I will definitely do it someday because I never put a coffee stirrer or anything in [the cup] and I just say, “Everything will be fine. What are spawn scopes? What’s the difference?”

Wouldn’t that be fun?

Back to fast food. I remember once we were talking about McDonald’s and Jack In The Box. Are these your favorite people?

I kind of went back to Karl Jr. – I haven’t had that since the 80s. They built a good one. I think it’s about Colombia. Now there is a triangle of Jack in a Box, McDonald’s and Karl Jr. And they are all brand new and they are all very cute and they are all like 24 hours.

It’s horrible. I mean, this is great. Especially for you, because you leave work late.

Wonderful. I mean, most of the time I don’t need fast food late at night. But sometimes, when it was a really hard night, and I kind of forgot to have lunch, and it was like “I have to go.” For example, when I saw you [in Clyde Common], I thought, “I need to go get fucking Karl Jr.” And Karl Jr.’s fries are delicious.

They?

[Whistle] Those are the breaded ones. So they are very crunchy.

Do they make curly fries too? Or is it just a Jack in a Box?

I think yes. Can’t remember if I had curly potatoes when I was there. However, curly potatoes can be tough. They should be crispy and sometimes undercooked, especially if they are very long and dense.

Tight and tightly rolled up?

Twisted tight, yes. You understand this and think, “Oh, this is kind of like a soft potato.” It’s not crunchy.

Apart from French fries, what else can you try at Carl’s Junior?

At every fast food outlet, I usually have a regular cheeseburger. As simple as that little cheeseburger is at this fast food establishment. Now I’m branching out a bit. I expanded a little. I just don’t want to be a fucking giant fast food burger.

Is there too many things on it that just slide off?

Yes, too much shit.

I think the problem with Portland in general is that the burgers are too bulky.

Yeah. It was a hamburger town, and now I think it’s more of a pizza town.

Hot take. I mean, it’s becoming more like a pizza town. But I know that some people are real …

Oh yeah. Didn’t Michael Russell say anything about Portland’s pizza being good? [Anthony Falco called it “ America ‘s Greatest Pizza City . ” ] Someone said Portland’s pizza was really good and people got angry.

Yes, people are very upset.

This is a silly thing to get upset about. The pizza in Portland is fantastic.

Where are you going?

Oh my God! The chessboard that Ken belongs to. And of course Ken too. Nostrana . Jerk’s pizza is great. The ranch pizza is great. Scotty’s pizza: great. Please Louise is great. Nice pizza is very good. I mean, this city has a lot of great pizza and there were a lot of great burgers in the past. Now it looks like you have to eat a hamburger and no one cares about it. Like a burger made by a chef.

Have you tried Stevens burger ? This is the best burger in town. Hands down. Kind of by far the best burger ever. There are three of them. It’s a wagon in Pioneer Square, there’s a wagon behind Wilson High, and they work inside Dig Pony. Basically, it’s a facsimile of the Shake Shack burger.

Do you also like the superb cheeseburger at Jack In the Box?

It’s like one of the best burgers in the world. [Laughs.] I would say – in terms of fast food or just mass consumption hamburgers – this is one of the top five.

I like this. I really like their Jack sourdough.

Who doesn’t? It is very good.

It’s so delicious and has a lot of mayonnaise on it.

Oh yeah. They both know. [Laughs]

That’s why I’m doing this. I noticed that people who like to eat like mayonnaise more.

HM. Is there a correlation?

I do not know. Or maybe I just like people like that.

Yes, you are just drawn to people who love mayonnaise.

Have you ever put mayonnaise on anything that says, “Oh, I’ve gone too far”?

No, but I read that people make peanut butter and mayonnaise. Is this a thing? Internet now?

I have not heard of this. There was mayonnaise and banana.

Someone is trying to pour mayonnaise and peanut butter. I’m probably good at this. I don’t need to cross streams. Because I love peanut butter and I love mayonnaise, but it seems to me that if you do this, it’s only to get likes on the Internet. I water all normal shit with mayonnaise. That is, sometimes I make a fried spam sandwich with mayonnaise and the like.

Yes. Okay.

This is really good. It looks like fried nonsense! Toasted White Bread – White bread on a wire rack.

Have you ever eaten a tomato sandwich?

Damn it.

Just white bread, mayonnaise, tomato – that’s all.

That’s all. Are you getting Japanese bread? Milk bread? This is the best cheap white bread you have ever tasted. It amazes everything – it is soft and dense, sticks to the palate, and is also slightly sweet and has a slight aftertaste. This is the perfect white bread.

Aside from the spam and mayonnaise sandwich, do you have a sad lunch?

Yep, Indian food – Indian food delivered. Lamb feed, usually butter chicken. I get garlic naan, and a whole ton of it. I don’t eat Indian food like some pro. It’s convenient food, isn’t it? Because it’s all butter, fatty and tasty, and yes, this is my sad [meal]. Or if I just worked for ten days and I feel like I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to go out. I don’t even want to put on my pants. ”Indian food is delivered to me and I will get eighty-five dollars worth of Indian food.

Do you have an order at the diner?

If I don’t care – if I just don’t give a damn – fried chicken steak is one of the best dishes and one of the best dishes. If you want to have fun, then it’s in the tradition of Milanese steaks, or chicken piccats, or chicken Milanese dishes, or – what is Austrian? – schnitzels. But then you put the American fucking sausage gravy on it. I usually try not to eat because I’m almost 50. I can’t eat a damn fried chicken steak.

Do you have snacks at the cinema?

I always get nacho. You need to start. But I take popcorn and then two pieces of Reese’s Pieces and pour them into the popcorn. I just love Reese’s pieces more than any oblong-shaped round candy like Skittles, M & M’s. Reese’s Pieces is number one. Popcorn and Reese pieces are moving – I’ll make it at home. I’ll make some really good fucking potted popcorn, and then I’ll just cover it with some Reese pieces and just watch the Avengers movie.

That was my next question – how to make popcorn at home?

With only olive oil, butter and popcorn salt. I think you need to make some popcorn salt .

In a food processor?

I’m just grinding the spices, but yeah. I think it’s like Elton Brown.

So you cook it with olive oil and butter?

Yes, I do it at an intermediate level. Yes, I just use a ton.

Do you measure it?

You know I’m used to it, and now there is an article from earlier this year that you just don’t cook it with enough fat. Who was that?

The woman who runs Squirl in Los Angeles, I don’t mention her name. [Her name is Jessica Koslow.] She’s great.

Yes. It was delicious. And since then I kind of stopped measuring because I just said, “Oh, the secret is to use a ton of crap.” So she’s my hero because she really saved – I’ve always liked popcorn on the stove, but I’ve never liked it .

It completely changed my life.

Fully. It tastes like popcorn in a movie theater! And it’s much more crunchy! Yes! But if you make half the olive oil and half the butter, that works great. And don’t use extra virgin, use shitty yellow stuff like Napoleon – roughly $ 4.95 a change. Okay.

We talked a little about french fries. But do you have a favorite form of fries?

McDonald’s. Exactly. This size. I often cook fries at home because I make steak fries. This is one of my favorite things to get home.

How do you cook fries?

In duck fat. But buy them frozen.

So, frozen, are you getting double-cooked fries?

You should. Otherwise, you’ll be just like McMenamin’s fries or In-n-Out fries. Worst French fries.

Samin Nosrat also raised this issue – in particular, he called the In-n-Out free so that he just …

They just aren’t done properly. French fries are not cooked like that.

How do you eat at night? How do you go about your shift?

Well, there’s a staff lunch that … well, they’re trying. And then I kind of have a snack, but very often, if I ate earlier in the day, I go home and cook a pretty gourmet meal late at night. But I come home by midnight; I’m not here until four in the morning. So I can go home and make a fried steak or something that will take an hour. Risotto – I love making risotto at home after work.

To me – and I know you say it takes about an hour – both of these processes seem pretty involved after you quit your job.

Maybe, but this is how I relax – I cook. Because I have to do something with my hands, and I can listen to music while I do it, or a podcast, or whatever. I can even open my laptop and watch TV while I do it.

I suppose the staff food here [at Clyde Common] is pretty good?

Yeah. If they have time or are inspired, but they have to do it every fucking day. It’s like a mom who has to do it every day. Like when you were a kid and sometimes your mom would knock him out of the park, and sometimes it was like chicken and rice.

What’s your favorite thing your mom did?

Lasagna. Or! Okay, I actually did it last night. We call this “mom tacos”. Ground beef – Ortega or whatever – Lowry spice bag, sour cream, cheddar cheese, Ortega shells, giant burrito wrappers, Mom’s style. I even bought a taco sauce. Do you know taco sauce? Do you know what it is?

I mean I know what it is, but I don’t know exactly what it is made of.

Okay, I haven’t had it since the 80s, and then I saw it in the store and thought, “I’m going to go full – I can’t remember what it’s like, but I’m going to get a taco sauce.” La Victoria is a soft Taco Bell sauce.

Is this the same brand?

It tastes almost the same, which is a trick! Because for $ 1.99 you can get a bottle of La Victoria and it’s essentially the same thing.

Do you have a favorite appliance or kitchen tool?

I even have a panini press. Which is pretty funny. It all started when I moved to Portland and collapsed on my friend’s couch because my apartment wasn’t ready and he had a panini press and I just didn’t give a damn about him. “Damn panini press, what year do you think it is?” – and he said: “Look. I work in the bar all the time, and I’m there all day, then I come home for a while, and then I’m there all night. I go to Whole Foods, buy a sandwich. I grease both sides with olive oil and put it in a panini press. And then I have a hot lunch when I come home for half an hour between shifts, and it looks like a little treat, “and I said,” I think you are great, “and I bought a panini press, and I was so glad what did I do because I do things like that. I take a pre-made sandwich and reheat it, or just something from the fridge. I don’t have a toaster, so I either make toast on the grill in a panini press, or I make toast in a cast iron skillet with a little butter. But I love my panini press – if you’re really, really tired, you can do a quesadilla there. It’s not a big Quesadilla but it’s a Quesadilla. You can do a lot of stupid shit there.

I love that you don’t need every kitchen appliance because there is usually a roundabout way – for example, you don’t have a toaster, but there is a roundabout way to get toasted bread.

Because how much toast do I eat? From time to time I say, “I want toast with an egg,” and I just fry it in the pan. But I don’t eat a slice of toast every day, unless you’re like Wallace of Wallace and Gromit.

How to make scrambled eggs? Are you making scrambled eggs?

Am I doing them in Cook’s illustrated way, kind of low and kind of pushing them back and forth?

So are you getting really tiny curd or big curd?

Large cottage cheese – let it harden, push, let it harden, push — do it six times. I like the big curd. I like the little ones, but it’s a lot of work. But usually I just fry them over medium heat. You get a little crisp, but I’m not trying – the eggs are just great because I’m not trying to post my eggs on Instagram. I just want some cooked eggs.

You do a lot of food on Instagram though. Nice pictures.

Thank you. I also just … I don’t drink at home. I don’t drink much. So I have nothing to photograph but food. Because I won’t come home and do my Mai Tai at the end of the night. Before, but now I come home and make risotto.

But I’m sure you have a home bar?

I have more liquor than any of these bars I work in. Disgusting how much alcohol is in my house. It’s just for a look, but I won’t buy it. It just is, and people send it to me. I won’t go to the store and buy bourbon or whatever, it’s just a shitty ton of bourbon.

I would say that if the apocalypse happens, we should all just meet at my house. Since I don’t want to be on the zombie killing team, I just want to kill myself with alcohol within 72 hours. I don’t want to fight for my survival every day like the people in The Walking Dead.

Because what are you fighting for?

Aha! This is the end! This is the end. So let’s all meet at my house and let’s just kill ourselves with alcohol. We’re having a frenzied party. And we will drink until we die.

Okay. That sounds good.

It’s funny because everyone I said this to is like “Aha.” Most people don’t think, “No, we will find a piece of farmland and stay up all night guarding it with our weapons, and we will do that for the rest of our days.” I don’t want to grow watermelons and eat them, I just want to eat all the frozen pizza.

Speaking of home bars, is there anything you would like everyone who prepares drinks at home to know?

I think that everyone should have their own drink, which they know how to prepare, just like everyone should have their own dish, which they know how to cook really well. People who don’t know how to cook, or [don’t] have a dish that they like to cook, kind of sad me. And it’s the same with the drink; you must have something, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter to me. But if you love that you really love martinis, you should be able to make a really great martini at home. Because it’s cool, it’s social, and it’s fun to be alone and fun to be with other people. So do your thing, but I think a lot of people understand – and I always try to talk people out of it – but people think that in order to have a home bar, you have to have every brand or type of booze. You know people say, “What should I get from the home bar?” and I say: “Well, what do you like?” If you don’t like tequila, I’m not going to suggest that you buy four different types of tequila for your home bar so you can make a bunch of tequila drinks that you never intended to drink. If you just love vodka, grab six vodkas.

I think there is an idea: “Oh, you have to be ready for any guest.”

This is not a bar! This is your home! People shouldn’t walk up to your kitchen counter and order drinks. Must be: I’m having a dinner party. You all fit. And guess what? Let’s start with the stroller. You cannot order! If someone serves a martini, you don’t say, “No, I want mine to be like this or something else.” Just like you do not say, “I will take anything without the bow.” Back off. You are at a dinner party at my house, you will be what I serve.

Unless you have a fatal onion allergy.

Well, I wouldn’t let you in. If you have a fatal onion allergy, we probably won’t eat together.

This is fair.

People put pressure on themselves so that everything is at home. I’ve been doing this for 20 years now, and when I host a dinner party, it looks like we mixed blackberry margarita today. Here’s what I did. This is what you can get. If you’re in such bad shape, you need to get out of my liquor collection right now. I think come on. But I’m not going to make you a separate drink beyond that. You will have blackberry margarita and we will have tacos for moms.

Do you go to Trader Joe?

No. I don’t like Trader Joe’s. There is too much prepackaged food. This is strange; I have strange lines about food. I’ll go to Jack in the Box at the end of the night, but I won’t eat Trader Joe’s fried chicken and eat it as a chicken. It hurts me more than fast food, and I don’t know why. I cannot explain it. The only pre-cooked dish I’ll keep and eat at home is frozen pizza.

If you could only choose one source of salt, one source of fat, and one source of acid, which would you choose?

S alto would be salt. I am not experienced enough to use soy or fish sauce as salt. The fat will definitely be butter, and the acid will definitely be vinegar. If I had to, I would say it is champagne vinegar because my favorite is to cook French food.

Which drink are you most proud of?

What have I presented to the world? Maybe … this is a tricky question. Maybe the amaretto is sour . Perhaps this is one of the best things I have come up with.

This is really good. But it’s worth noting that your mogul is the only mogul I like.

In fact, it could be so. But that’s because I’m 100 percent a fan of the gogol-gogol – all kinds of egg gogol. I think it takes to be to come up with something that good. You must love this. As with the next great, whoever invents chicken fried steak or something like that will be someone who really loves fried steak, not just a chef who says, “Oh, that’s it. “.