How to Refuse a Meeting With a Friend
It can be a funny surprise when you bump into someone you haven’t seen in a while for about five minutes. He then moves on to “let’s meet for coffee” territory, which reminds you why you haven’t interacted with this person at all. Here’s how to give up the idea of having a cup of coffee without turning an old acquaintance into an enemy.
First of all, I want to say that we all did this with another person – with someone you love very much and would like to know better, but there is a reason why you do not. They are too cool! Too busy! Too disinterested in expanding their inner circle! So, we all get distracted from time to time, and this is not a terrible crime against politeness. There are so many hours in a day that you don’t always have the time or emotional ability to connect with another person.
But saying no is difficult even for specialists. Well and Good interviewed professional life coach Mandy Morris, who also wrote the bestselling book Love Is How I Show It. Morris provided a scenario where you want to abandon the party with someone , with whom you encounter on the street, and who have not seen for ages:
Scenario 1: “Nice to see you! I will not be able to make an appointment with you soon, but I would like to exchange information so that when I have more opportunities, I can contact you. “
Scenario 2: “It was a little difficult to stick to plans at the moment. Nevertheless, I enjoyed seeing you and I hope that life is wonderful for you. “
Scenario 3: “I can’t put too much on my plate right now, I’m sorry! But I loved running into you and seeing how wonderful you are. “
Scenario 4: “It would be fun, but even if we don’t, it was great to see you!”
Scenario 5: “I bet we both have really tight schedules, but I’m looking forward to seeing you when the time is right.”
The idea is to assume that you are really busy and that it is not personal, even if it is. People are busy and sometimes the schedule is too busy for casual meetings. If you hesitate to give up someone’s friendly overture so emphatically, there are a few more tricks.
Suggest your email address
Often, if you are not that close or have not seen each other for a long time, the other person may ask for your number. Morris suggests suggesting your email address instead:
“I usually say something like,“ Let me give you my email address, ”because usually if someone really wants to see you and it’s sincere, providing an email instead of a phone number will make them think more carefully about the process. hand, she says to me. If they do end up in your inbox , you will know that they really, really invested in making this face-to-face communication a reality. Then you can decide if you want to say yes or no in cyberspace between the two of you.
I would add that the email suggestion would make more sense if you explain how you keep track of your appointments; it also lays the foundation for how busy you are if you decide to end up saying no.
Be a little vulnerable
It’s not what Morris suggests, and it’s not for the faint of heart, but it worked for me: being emotionally vulnerable. I was approached by people whom I could not see, and they were told about it directly. For instance:
“I’m so moved, you ask, but lately I’m too nervous to really spend time with people. If I feel like I can stop being a hermit, I will lend a hand. “
More and more people are realizing how anxiety, stress or depression can make it difficult to communicate, especially with people they don’t know well. I’m not lying when I say I can’t have a coffee date with a virtual stranger. And if someone is confused by your honesty, who cares? They’ll leave you alone anyway.
Letting go of the blame
Rejecting a loyal friend who loved and supported you sucks; Bailing out someone you hardly know is actually not the same thing, but still most of us are used to the fact that both feel bad. Morris says it’s okay to feel guilty about giving up random freezes and doesn’t mean you’re wrong:
“It’s about coming to this consciously by asking yourself, ‘Am I acting out of guilt? Will it really serve this person? Will this help me? I want this kind of relationship? “, She says.
If the only reason you want to see someone is to ease guilt, you are not their friend anyway. Just skip it. Politely.