How to Actually Get (Good) Reviews on Your Dating Apps

If you use dating apps, you know that every time you match, you make a lot of swipes. And swiping. And … some more swiping. Even if you have a lot of matches, you still ask yourself: why don’t sparks fly?

When your inbox looks like a horse’s meal, it’s easy to get frustrated: a lot of “hello”. (Keep reading). Thankfully, you’re not alone: ​​New research in a Psychology Today article suggests that the future of online dating may reflect a growing desire for more authentic, “anti-shallow” dating. Here are some tips to help you communicate better on your dating app of choice.

Show, don’t tell

Before anyone can take the first step, you need to make your profile as scrollable as possible . Then take a look at your profile and replace any adjectives (even if they are correct!) With real examples. Instead of pointing out your “good sense of humor,” try a joke that demonstrates this. Instead of talking about how you “polish” (ugh), you can hint at an ongoing project that you like. Not only will you come across as more interesting, but being specific will help start a real conversation.

Of course, the main way to show, not tell, comes down to choosing the right pictures, which are usually worth somewhere around a thousand words. We’ve written about the art of picking photos for dating apps . Another trick is to include an image for the sole purpose of starting a conversation, such as a tag- yourself meme or something as classic as your pet. So rethink this fifth selfie and try to find a picture, which is said Bustle Senior Expert of dating Match Rachel DeAlto , “may facilitate people communication .”

Get more specific information

In both your profile and in your private messages, concreteness is key. A friend recently showed me one of their tricks for always getting answers: asking a question that requires a specific answer. Instead of asking, “What did you do today?” (boring, cliché, vague), recently she decided to ask: “What did you eat for lunch today?” (concrete, unexpected, a conversation about a shared love of Thai leftovers begins, which easily translates into plans to eat Thai food in their favorite place). Another key element of this trick? Make sure you are really asking questions .

This specificity manifests itself in your personality, and it allows the other person to match your tone with a cheerful and flirty response.

Personalize your messages

As with cover letters, this is obvious when you capture the same shot over and over. Melissa Hobley, global director of marketing for OkCupid , told Refinery29 that sending “hello” as the first message has an 84% chance of being completely ignored. This is a good passing score if your goal is being ignored.

According to dating coach Logan Urie , director of relationship science at Hinge and one of our recent guests at The Upgrade, the key to standing out from the crowd is putting in the effort of discovery. Hacking her? Please comment at the bottom of your profile as it is probably less common for someone to reply to this.

Ask a friend to view your profile

It’s simple. We don’t always know how to portray ourselves correctly, so your friends can fill in some of the blanks to make the profile look more like you. At the very least, good friends can just give you the ego boost you need so you have the confidence to take the first step.

Keep an open mind

As clinical psychologistElena Kechmanovich wrote for the Washington Post, consider relaxing your criteria. This could mean expanding filters by age and location, or being able to initiate contact with profiles that are not usually visible. Think about it: the swipe is for quick judgments, whereas in real life you are probably more attentive and open towards potential partners.

Make realistic plans ASAP

The top tip across platforms is to make plans in person sooner rather than later. In an article in the Washington Post, Kechmanovich also wrote that the most common complaints she hears from online dating is “frustrated at how rarely they meet with someone in person and even less likely to like the people they meet. “.

Minimize this frustration by making plans right away – while you feel safe. This is the most important way to clarify intent and close the window for possible Internet scamming. Now stop reading and start asking hyper-specific questions on the Internet to strangers. Good luck to you.