How to Compliment Dads Without Calling Them “helpful”
Let’s start with this: Dads don’t babysit. After all, the nanny is the one who “takes responsibility for the child while the parents are temporarily absent.” Therefore, when a dad is caring for his child, he is not “looking after the children”; he is “raising children.”
And yet, over the past few days, I’ve seen two different tirade dads on the r / Parenting subreddit from dads who have been belittled by neighbors or colleagues as “nannies.”
In one post with apt title “ I am a father. I don’t look after my baby, I’m a fucking parent, and this is what we should all strive for , ”describes u / mungoflago the day he took his five month old baby to work (where he is the boss, and it is allowed to do such things) … During the day he was asked three times why he “looked after” him: three different people:
I feel like there is a crappy double standard. No one in their right mind would call a mom and her baby “babysitting,” but since I’m a guy, this happens to me on a regular basis. I am not babysitting – I am just trying to be a decent parent.
In another post, u / MDFlash describes how he was stopped by a neighbor while walking with his four-month-old baby:
She asked, “How long will you take care of him?” At first I was confused by the question, I just stared and asked, “What?” She then clarified, “I think it’s great that you give your wife a break, but how long do you have to watch him until his wife takes him back?”
If dads are not babysitters, they will also not “help” when they are parenting. When an employee goes to work in the morning, he is not “helping” his boss; they do their job. When dad changes diapers, throws laundry in the washing machine, mash with organic baby food, or vigorously peep, he is not “helping” the partner. He is raising children.
Since the active participation of fathers in the day-to-day running of the household is a kind of dynamic shift from the previous generation or two, the desire to thank or praise the father for playing an active role in raising children can still be reflective. And if dad (or mom!) Does his job well, it’s nice to point it out .
However, you can point this out in a way that does not discount their role. Mother writer Heather Markou says, “Instead of saying ‘my husband is very helpful,’ I’m going to start saying ‘my husband is doing his fair share.’
In another article, Maternal Marku offers more suggestions for adjusting language around paternity. Here are my favorites:
Instead of “I’m so glad my husband is looking after the children tonight,” try “I’m so glad I have a partner who can stay at home with the kids tonight.”
Instead of “My partner is great, he helps me a lot with my child,” try “My partner is great, he is such a competent father.”
Instead of “Thank you for helping me with the kids today,” try “Thank you for being such a great dad.”
Instead of “You need to start helping with the laundry,” say, “I have a lot of things in my plate. You need to wash too.
And for dads who want more housework or more active parenting, instead of asking “How can I help,” try “What else needs to be done?”