Why You Should Make a Bullying List
There was hardly anything that did not frighten me in my youth. Sleeping alone in the dark, attending classes outside of my comfort zone, telling people I like that I love them, jumping up and down during cheerleading competitions – all of this caused me tremendous stress, to the point that I just avoided them. I slept in my sister’s room, loaded with lessons I knew I would do well and never sprinted without a spotter.
Now I’m comfortable enough with all of the above (well, except for the springs in the back), and there aren’t a lot of things that I avoid just out of intimidation. But I often think about the times when I let the bullying get the better of me, whether it was participating in a lesson, sports, conversation, relationships, or whatever, because I felt like I couldn’t handle it.
As Mariah Adcox writes for Man Repeller and Jacqueline McElhone for Career Contessa , it can be helpful to take stock of what scares you – and why. Is it related to your finances or confronting an annoying boss? Is it some kind of conversation with a loved one or a recognition that you do not know as much as you thought? Think about what scares you and write it down.
Write your bullying list
As with most things, the more specific you are in your list, the better. McElhone recommends taking a week to really think about your daily routines and think about why you do or don’t do certain things.
As McElhone writes:
I urge you to try to go a little deeper than the surface intimidation you are thinking of. “Taking risks,” “failing,” “self-confident people” are all scary — I understand. But what else? What specific things, people, events scare you? Do you bump into something that bothers you every day?
Do you usually avoid doing things, avoid meeting someone, or talking about a specific topic? Is it because you’re scared?
Then think about why this person or situation scares you. What are you afraid of? Once you understand this, you can take the necessary steps to remedy the situation if you want.
Mine might look like this:
- Introduce myself to authors after readings / events : I might ask the wrong question and make a fool of myself in front of someone I admire.
- Write fiction / in a genre that I haven’t tried before : I might find that I really can’t do it, and all my worst fears about me will be confirmed (I’m not creative, smart, talented, etc.).
- Packing Up and Moving to California : What happens if I don’t have a built-in community of friends and colleagues?
- Public Speaking : Please don’t force me to do this.
Finally, I’ll add that bullying isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are a handful of writers and creators I’m afraid of, but that’s because the seeming breadth and depth of their knowledge and / or artistry is so great. In this sense, they are inspiring.
As McElhone writes, this practice can help you find common themes in your life and activities that you were not aware of. “Perhaps you will realize that you are not really afraid of who you thought you were,” she writes. “Perhaps you will find that what you think you are afraid of is in fact one step away from victory. And this is where self-development begins. “