I Am the Author of Nefertiti Austin and I Am a Parent.
Nefertiti Austin is a single mother of two whom she adopted from a foster family. Her memoir, “ Motherhood is white: memories of the race, the field and the education of children in the United States ” out in September.
Name: Nefertiti Austin Location: Los Angeles Job: Writer Family: two children, 12-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter; two Shipu puppies (Shih Tzu / Poodle mix) named Siddhartha and Monsieur Lafayette.
You write a lot in your work about your experiences as a single black foster mother. What do you most want readers to know about this experience?
I would like readers to know that in the 21 – th century, motherhood is still concentrated in the white. Often times, other versions of motherhood are marginalized, ridiculed, or ignored. Even as an academic, it was difficult for me to find non-white role models in parenting.
What initially prompted you to adopt?
I think adoption has always been at heart. I was raised by my grandparents who made me feel loved and safe. While spending time with my parents, I longed for the stability my grandparents provided, and my life was good. Also adopted is my best friend, Laurie. I’ve seen her work well and I’ve watched her pursue a career as an adoption social worker. Laurie has shared countless stories of children in need of home, love and stability. These stories touched the strings of my heart and made me think that I could help someone. Through the example of my grandparents, I knew that I did not need to give birth to be a parent or to have meaning in a child’s life.
Tell us about your memoir, Motherhood Is So White, coming out later this year, and why you felt obligated to write it.
I started writing about blacks and adoption because I couldn’t find stories about moms written by women or for women like me. I was disappointed with this erasure, and my early writing was pompous! These articles later became essays on race and gender of adoption. I thought I had prepared a collection of essays, but my agent offered a memoir. I am surprised. I thought, right? Who wants to read about me? I just answered the call to adopt a child, and this decision was natural, not special.
Anyway, my memoir is about how I realized the fact that there are two motherhoods in America: one is white and the other is black. The death of Trayvon Martin brought me back to reality. My whole idea of ​​motherhood has changed as I am now a mother willing to violate my child’s innocence by telling him about racism in order to protect him from racism. White mothers do not carry this burden if their children are not of color.
After all, I wrote ” Motherhood Is So White” out of necessity. I wanted the black mothers who came after me to have different views of motherhood, not just the conventional definition of who would become a mother in America. I want white mothers to see black mothers on the page and know that we are all allies in the pursuit of raising compassionate children in an age with racial motives.
Has the way you work changed the way you become a parent?
Absolutely. I try to do everything from 9 am to 2:30 pm. When school or practice ends, my needs disappear. However, every blue moon I lock myself in my bedroom and tell my son: “You are in charge, just don’t turn on the stove.”
How much outside help do you get? Who or what cannot you live without?
As the children grew older, I gradually accumulated reliable help. Between my aunt Caroline, an 85-year-old former colleague, and my godson, I communicate a little more. But my whole ship would have capsized without the friendship and support of my village mum friends. They help with parking, homework, summer camp and snacks. They are the best!
Tell us about the family ritual.
My children and I sit at the dinner table every evening and have dinner together. We don’t have a set time for dinner because my son’s training schedule dictates how late or early we eat. Dinner may only be fifteen minutes long, but I value that time with them.
Was the aspect of parenting especially difficult for you that you think would surprise most parents with partners?
Being a single mother is hard and I don’t wish it on anyone. It was the right decision for me at the time, but having a husband / partner (who helps) in the house would be invaluable. Single parents make every decision – which school to go to, vacation, discipline, lunch, religion – and there is no one to give up on those decisions. We get all the blame or all the glory. In any case, sometimes the absence of an intimate partner will remind you very nervously that you are doing your best.
What do you want your children to learn from your example?
I hope they learn to help others, not for praise, but because it is right.
What parenting advice do you remember?
Put on an oxygen mask first.