You Should Talk to Your Children About Suicide
As a parent, the idea that my child – or any other child I know – may be thinking about suicide is something I would like to give up. No, God, no. Impossible.
However, this way of thinking is dangerous.
Because children are killing themselves. Among adolescents, deaths from suicide increased by 33 percent between 2009 and 2017. In the past week, students from Ohio , California and New York have died of apparent suicide.
There is still a lot we don’t know about preventing youth suicide, but we do know one thing: silence doesn’t work .
It is important for us to talk to our children about suicide, and when we do, use the words: “suicide”, “kill yourself”, “harm yourself.”
“Don’t be afraid to ask directly if [your kids] are thinking about self-harm or suicide,” writes Sherrill King , professor of psychiatry at Michigan Medicine and one of the nation’s leading experts on adolescent and child suicide prevention. “These questions are asked in the context of caring and wanting to help them resolve their pain.”
In an article on How to Talk to Children About Suicide (which you should read in full), she suggests that parents use the following sample tips:
- “Considering everything that you are dealing with right now, and considering what is happening at school, have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself or thoughts of suicide?”
- “I wonder if you have suicidal thoughts.”
Questions like this will normalize your children’s experiences by helping them understand that there are no taboo thoughts. “After you ask questions, stay calm and listen,” King advises. If your child expresses concern, he suggests responding, “I’m sorry you are in such pain. Let’s think about what we can do. Let’s see what we can do to sort this out. I want to be helpful. Let’s help and let’s find out more together. “
A common myth is that the question of suicide can trigger an idea in him if he doesn’t already have one. Several studies have shown that this is not the case . In a beautiful blog post entitled “Speak Up,” author Jenny Lawson explains why this assumption is wrong.
Talking to children about sex does not force them to have sex. Talking about lamas does not make them lamas. Talking to children about suicide will not make them suicidal. Talking to children about mental illness does not cause mental illness in them. However, he gives them the tools to help them recognize things that might otherwise confuse or scare them. It can help them recognize something about themselves or their friends. And it can save lives.
You can also encourage your children to tell your friends about suicide and give them the tools to do so. Katherine Perlman, parenting expert and founder of The Family Coach , told me, “Children often know that something is wrong with their friends. They see a post on social media or text in a group chat. But they don’t know how to deal with it. “
She suggests teaching children about suicide warning and telling them that it is okay to ask a question. In fact, it can be life-saving.
Perlman says, “Better to react wittily than miss the chance to intervene.”
If you are contemplating suicide or worried about a friend or loved one, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255.