Why You Should Wait to Show the Children Videos of Yourself
As a child, I performed in various public musicals. As a painfully shy child, I somehow felt comfortable on stage. The costumes, the shivers before the show, the satisfaction after the show – I loved it all. This was until my father inserted a videotape with my performances at the moment when guests came to our house.
“That’s how I sounded?” I thought, staring at myself on the TV screen and feeling suddenly depressed.
As our patrons politely watched amateur productions, I slipped out of the room and hid.
This event washed over me when I read Julia Cho’s fascinating New York Times article “Does Replaying Events Change Children’s Memories?” Watching videos of my performances changed my performance memories, even if slightly. The question arises: now that we all have video cameras in our pockets, ready to record every delightful and impressive movement of our children, are we constantly depriving them of the fullness of their experience? Are we diminishing their memories?
Cho miracles:
There has been a lot of research into how a person taking a photo strengthens or modifies their memory, but what about our children – the subject of our constant documentation? Does seeing themselves in the third person change or even falsify their memories?
After talking with researchers, she found that, yes, showing children videos of their important moments – such as a musical performance, Christmas morning, or meeting their little sister for the first time – can distort their views of these events. They move “from participants to more distant observers,” Cho writes. They may not feel what they would naturally feel if the event was immediately rephrased from the perspective of an audience member.
Of course, it can be helpful to allow children to watch videos of themselves – if a piano student is trying to improve their skills, it is a good idea for them to reconsider the measure they stumbled upon during their last recital. Overall, watching passages with ourselves can make us more self-aware. But you need to be ready to play. As for our children, it is important to know that by pressing play, we give them a new perspective on what is happening, for which they may not be ready.
My 6 year old daughter loves to sing and I love to record her performances in the living room. We often watch videos on my phone together and giggle. Recently, however, she has asked me to remove videos in which she claims to sound “so bad.” I think all 6 year old girls have to believe that they sound like Alicia Keys, so I’m going to stop recording for a while.
If you are filming your kids on video, you do not have to show them the footage – at least for a day or two. If they just finished a huge performance, received an award, or threw a huge birthday party, give them a chance. Let them remember what they remember without looking at the reactions of others. Let your child participate in his life, not just watch it from the screen.