Stop Telling Kids That Their Medical Procedure “won’t Hurt One Bit”
I well remember taking my daughter for a blood test when she was two years old. When she sat on my lap in the laboratory chair, she was so happy . She waved to the technician, who smiled and waved back. And then he took her tiny pen, stuck a needle in it, and she screamed about bloody murder. Never again was she so happy to be admitted to a medical facility.
I might not have been able to properly prepare a two-year-old for the pain ahead, but as a parent I had to try. On Twitter, a pediatrician from North Carolina Chad Hayes gives his advice : “Do not lie to children about whether a medical procedure will hurt. Tell them in developmental language what to expect. What it will be like. How long will it last. Why is it needed. It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s okay to cry. “
He writes to doctors, but I believe that his words are important for parents to read as well. We often try to make scary things insignificant by just saying these words.
“It won’t hurt.”
“That wasn’t bad at all, was it?”
“Are you okay!”
The problem is that, if the procedure does in fact hurt your child will begin to lose confidence in you. And the doctors. And other authoritative people. As Twitter user ischemegeek writes , “The only thing worse than lying to a child about something hurting is telling him about their pain.”
Instead, as Hayes suggests, calmly and objectively tell your child what will happen and why. (It’s important to show some confidence here – if inside you’re freaking out about a shot / cut, etc., they’ll notice it in your voice.) And then plan ahead to reduce your pain . You can offer your child several options to give him a sense of control – perhaps he can choose a favorite stuffed animal to bring, or count to three before starting the procedure, or choose a special patch in advance.
In the end, no matter how they respond, hug them and tell them that you are proud of them for it. Maybe they’ll even say, “Hey, it wasn’t that bad after all.”