Snacks You Can Make Safely on a Super High
Eating high is fun, but cooking high is the opposite. Depending on how high you climb, staying away from open flames, heat sources you may forget to turn off, and sharp, brittle objects are usually a good plan. (While guacamole may sound delicious when stoned, traveling in an ambulance to heal an avocado arm would be a nightmare.)
It’s extremely important to surround yourself with snacks that are easy to prepare and eat, but these snacks should not only provide food – they should be fun for your mouth. While there is nothing wrong with eating a bowl of microwave-cooked cheese or pouring shredded cheese straight from the bag into your mouth, I’ve taken the liberty of putting together some refined snacks and strategies that I think you’ll love. (I missed out on the obvious suggestions for frozen pizza, pizza rolls, and delivery and “a few bags of chips,” because I’m assuming you already know about that.)
Get the grilled chicken
Do this before you participate, because – once high – “in public” is not the best place, especially if you are prone to paranoia. Pre-cooked grilled chicken is not only delicious (and nutritious, by the way), but also very easy (and fun) to rip with your hands. In addition to the chicken, add a few tortillas or soft pita bread and a bag of shredded veal-like vegetables and as many sauces as you like.
Once it gets hot, collect the small chicken rolls and top them with the black sauce. In fact, now is a good time to raid your refrigerator, pull out all the condiments and come up with new, exciting, cutting edge sauces that an unstable brain couldn’t even figure out. Add some grated cheese.
Make a fucking cheese plate
I talk a lot about cheese platters, but that’s only because they are perfect for any occasion. If your grocery store has a fancy cheese counter, it probably also has a small basket full of pieces of expensive cheese that you can buy for a couple of dollars. Buy one at a time along with the most expensive crackers you can find. Also take fruit and pickle. Boom. You now have enough texture and flavor to entertain your mouth for hours.
But why stop there? Now is the perfect time to introduce your palate to new and exciting flavors, and I think you should get to know cream cheese and pepper jelly. Unless you’re from the south, you may have never tasted this party treat, but the spicy-sweet and creamy variety-dip is a tall man’s dream come true. There is no measurement, no mixing, no real preparatory work of any kind. Simply place a slice of ( fatty ) cream cheese on a plate and sprinkle with pepper jelly or a spoon. Serve with wheat thinner (use a dull knife to spread).
Wrap things around fruits (and pickles)
If you want to do a little bit of work, try wrapping the fruit with meat and cheese. Sculpt some soft chevre around the grapes, or dip strawberries in whipped cream cheese (then dip cream cheese in brown sugar). Thin slices of specks or prosciutto are great for pineapple or literally any melon, just be sure to break the fruit before eating any edible or joint you plan to eat. Now is also a good time to take advantage of the retro midwestern delicacy of the salty roll, just spread some cream cheese on the ham, place the pickled spear in the middle, and roll it up. Slice with turntables if you like.
If you are really into stoner, grab a lot of dried fruit bags from Trader Joe’s (or wherever else, but TJ’s have a great selection) along with their honey goat cheese and brush the first with the second. Wrap it in prosciutto or – if you really want to get into the aesthetics of the event – sprinkle with bacon on top.
Invent new combinations of dips and chips
I know the pot combination of chips and dip is not entirely new or innovative, but stay with me for a moment. It’s time to try the “dips” that your sober mind considers “too risky.” It’s time to buy a can of sour cream and mix what society would find “disgusting.” It’s time to dip the Pringles sour cream and onions in the salsa , because only a high-profile person would choose Pringles when perfectly good tortilla chips are available (you won’t regret it).
Have you ever added a pack of instant ramen to a cup of sour cream? Not? There is no time like the present, and there is no gift like the gift of ramen sauce . You are now a fragrance alchemist and the only thing holding you back is the amount of condiments in your refrigerator and the spices in your closet. Nutritional yeast, any Trader Joe’s spice mixes, and kimchi pickle are all my personal favorites, as are any type of miso, but the true MVP for the sauce is MSG. Combine it with sour cream, garlic powder, onion powder and a little salt. Add dried garlic if you have one.