How to Live in Harmony With Your College Student This Summer
The first summer I got home from college, I had plans to work, hang out with my high school friends again, and enjoy the freedom of having no work to write. I felt older, wiser and much more independent than when I left; And yet my parents still insisted that I observe the high school curfew (which, to be honest, I felt too early, even as a high school student).
From my point of view, I was an adult who had just spent nine months without a curfew. I was responsible and earned the right to determine when I came and went. From their point of view, I was still their child, and they could not sleep if it was late and I was not at home.
This was the last summer I lived with my parents. From that moment on, I either stayed in the campus where I was in college or moved on for an internship.
Getting a college kid into everyday family life is harder than it sounds. They have been gone for most of the year, and naturally they have changed and matured – even if you see that they are not quite mature logical adults yet. To be successful, the next few months will require some compromise on both sides.
Rethink expectations
Recognize right away that summer will be an adaptation for everyone involved, from you to them and any younger siblings still living in the home who follow the same old rules.
Your student’s daily routine may be a little less structured than it was in high school, but they won’t be allowed to leave their dirty dishes in the sink and stacked laundry on the floor for weeks. like at school.
To respect the rest of the family, they will have to clean up after themselves and get involved – maybe they can cook dinner once or twice a week and help take young children to summer camp or other activities. After all, they get free room and board for the summer.
In turn, you can loosen the curfew reins a bit. Instead of specifying a specific time when they should be home, you can ask them to write to you if they are going to leave later. They need to tell you where they are, when they return, or when they decide to bump into a friend’s house. Focus more on fluid communication and less on hard and fast constraints.
Prepare to see them less than you might expect.
I know you missed them. You have visions of family dinners (you’ll do whatever they love!) And a weekend full of quality time to hang out again. But as psychologist Lisa Damour writes for The New York Times , they probably have other plans.
Parents shouldn’t be surprised if returning kids seem to care more about friendships in high school than they do with us. It might sound offensive, but it might be a compliment: They believe we’re not going anywhere, but they often feel anxiety, longing, or both, towards their peers in the city.
They may also focus on visiting all of their favorite places to get that particular slice of pizza, ice cream, or coffee flavor that they can’t get in school. If you want to squeeze into their busy social schedule, try dating them to find the spot you know they were missing.
Give them room, but keep the door open
Remember, they may be recovering from stress and anxiety that they haven’t shared with you during the school year, whether it’s friendship, dating, or school. They’ve just had one of the biggest transition years of their lives, and this can affect different people in different ways.
You can support them and offer to be a voice without asking them for details that they might not want to share.
And remember: if this summer is the last summer they will ever live at home, it’s probably because you did a good job raising them to become independent adults and they are now ready to live on their own.