How to Overcome the Mistake
I’m fixated on everything, but mostly on social oversights. Did I say the wrong thing? Am I too quiet? Should I hide in the cupboard with a plate of food until everyone at the party is gone?
These questions torment me until midnight, as I paraphrase every moment I could say something funnier, faster, or simply better. If you’ve ever had a tendency to dwell on mistakes, it’s natural – we all want to do and say the right thing, whether at a social event or in the office. But if you want to avoid falling into negativity, it’s important to learn to forgive yourself for what you are doing (and try to distract yourself a little to calm your mind).
Practice self-compassion
When you make a mistake — for example, sighing in an important meeting, which I did exactly once — don’t fall into the trap of self-criticism, however easy it may be. Remembering the moment can make you loop and regret it (although it can be helpful to understand how you can become better in the future).
As The New York Times writes, it’s important to show self-compassion or just be kind to yourself. The easiest way to do this is to look at your experience from the outside.
“This is the core of self-goodness: practice what it is like to treat yourself like a friend,” the article says. “… So the next time you’re on the verge of falling into a spiral of shame, think about how you would keep your friend from falling and turn that effort inward.”
And given that the error is more the exception than the rule, it is important, too. This may be the first time you made a mistake while completing a specific work order. It happens! Before your mind starts spinning in a spiral, just remember: you are doing your best, damn it.
Analyze your own thinking habits
It’s too late. You already think too much about the error. Try to get some air and take time to understand why you are worried. As the Harvard Business Review writes, you may find that your obsession is the result of generally accepted thinking patterns, such as setting expectations too high for yourself, constantly misinterpreting the expectations of others from you, or getting more than necessary.
“The solution is to become well aware of your typical thinking mistakes over time and in quiet moments so that you can still recognize them when you are experiencing heightened emotions,” writes HBR .
Take a break before starting the spiral and understand why you might be fixating on this particular mistake. For example, if you are prone to perfectionism, you may be self-critical too often. Admit it, turn it back a little, and you will feel better.
Don’t take the mistake home
Let’s say you seriously screwed up at work and spent the last hour pondering every aspect of this crap at your desk. Try your best to forget your emotions before packing up and leaving the office.
“The habit of going home to your spouse and questioning him is very intuitive for a lot of people,” Peter Schallard, a business psychology expert told Fast Company , “but trying to get your work mistakes back home can be regressive and make you – rephrase the mistake one more time, ”he added.
Instead, ask about your partner’s day or call a friend and focus on their needs to avoid being obsessed with yours.
Stay here
If you don’t want to dwell on the past, it is important to stay in the present (and we know this is easier said than done). As we wrote earlier, mindfulness meditation or the practice of paying attention to the present can help you avoid some of the anxiety associated with your mistakes.
But if you are not meditating, find an activity that will make you immerse yourself in the present moment, such as exercise or cooking. In other words, give yourself a solution to another problem that is achievable and can provide an immediate positive emotional response.
Better yet, find something to look forward to, like a vacation, and start planning activities now. Sometimes you just need motivation to get through a tough day. Relax a bit and remember that your weeklong vacation is (thankfully) just around the corner.