Be Honest About Your Parenting in the Workplace
When I was 23, I worked for a newspaper. Almost every day, my boss noted that she had to leave at a certain hour to pick up her daughter. At the time, I didn’t really think about this announcement – her world of parenting seemed distant. But today, 14 years later, I am confident that her transparency about her childcare responsibilities has shaped my thinking. Now that I have two young children, it seems to me that their needs will limit my work from time to time. It’s never fun to say that I have to leave early because one of my kids has a fever or that childcare hasn’t gone well – but that’s life.
The alternative — for us parents to never feel comfortable talking about our childcare responsibilities — is much worse. Economist Emily Oster poses a dilemma in her article in The Atlantic, “ End the Plague of Clandestine Parenting. After speaking with parents, she learned that many feel the need to “hide or minimize the evidence of their children in the office” for fear that they will not appear 100% committed to their work. They may lie about why they should leave at certain times, or pretend they are sick when their children are sick because they feel like a more valid reason to skip work. But, as Oster explains, the workplace atmosphere that forces moms and dads to minimize their parenting has many consequences:
This pressure is not only harmful to parents; they are harmful to employers. Lack of flexibility in childcare will simply cost companies with valuable workers. Most of the women in this study left the workforce. Another study found that the “ presence of children ” is a major factor in the gender gap in career outcomes, even for highly educated workers, because women drop out when their employer is unable to adjust to their schedule.
How can people fight this culture of secrecy? Here are a couple of ways.
For managers
Talk openly about your childcare responsibilities
As Oster writes, “This change cannot come from the lower levels of the organization. Older employees need to take the lead. ” Being open about the fact that you have a life outside the office not only creates a better environment for the other parents you work with, but for all employees. When my boss told the newspaper that she needed to pick up her daughter, it made me – a man without children at the time – feel more comfortable when I asked for a few days to sort out my own responsibilities, which she encouraged everyone. our team must do.
Allow employees not to ask permission
Yang Sung, a single father of two and president of a digital agency, has championed work-life balance on LinkedIn, urging his employees (and everyone else) not to apologize for having lives. “I never need to know that you’ll be back online after lunch,” he begins. “I never need to know why you chose to watch Arrested Development Season 1 (for the 4th time) on your flight to Los Angeles instead of answering emails. I never need to know that you’re going to be late for a dentist appointment. Or that you leave early for your child’s soccer game. I never need to know why you can’t travel on Sundays. ” Being honest about your philosophy can set a positive tone from the start.
Conduct life-stage interviews with your employees.
In this Forbes article, writer Shelley Zalis questions the effectiveness of layoff interviews, especially when a person leaves for caregiving responsibilities. “It’s obvious that it’s too late to solve the problem – they have already left,” Zalis writes. “I started thinking about this idea. What if we conduct a life stage interview? At different stages of life, people need different things to thrive. For example, we need different things when we have small children and when we take care of aging parents. “
For staff
It is more difficult – you have to assess the microclimate in the workplace and do what is convenient for you. But here are some examples of how moms and dads talk openly about the nature of parenting.
Be specific with your shared calendars
For example, if you need to set aside time on your workday to express breast milk, write that down on the calendar you are viewing. My mom named Lauren tells me: “With my first thing I felt like I had to hide it or be careful, and this led to people trying to make appointments that were contrary to my blocked time and I had to put my needs on the sidelines. … After the second, I decided to try to normalize it and talked loudly and openly about pumping and breast milk. People gave me a lot more space and attention – perhaps because they wanted me to stop saying “breasts,” but hey, I’ll take that! “
Be transparent in your responses to absences from the workplace
My friend’s mother shifts any responsibilities related to children to her answer about absence from work. For example: “I volunteer for a Valentine’s Day event at my child’s school. I’ll be back at 15:00. ” She works for herself, so the situation is different from working in the office, but I am inspired by the way she sets her boundaries.
If you are a man, know that it is especially helpful to be open about parenting.
One woman Oster spoke to told her that although all the men on her team were fathers, none of them talked about their children at work. Being open about the fact that you need to take your child to the doctor’s office or that the kindergarten suddenly closed due to a water problem and that you have to work remotely this morning shows everyone that parenting is not “Mom’s business”.
Make a schedule that suits you
Oster writes: “Many of us would be happy to log in before our kids get up or go to bed. For me, a phone call at 20:15 is infinitely better than a meeting at 18:00. ” When you offer your manager a specific schedule that suits you, it shows that you are 100% involved in it – just not for the exact timeline, like everyone else.