What to Do If Your Partner Won’t Work on Your Sex Life
Difficult work, financial problems, children, and busy schedules can make it difficult to find the time and energy to maintain an active and fulfilling sex life. This problem is compounded by the fact that most couples believe that great sex should “just happen.” In other words: you shouldn’t make any effort in your sex life; desire, time, space and passion for sex should just spontaneously appear at ideal intervals.
When you finally realize that sex doesn’t work that way, you will feel crippled. So many couples go out of their way to keep the spark, and there is usually one partner who feels much more interested in trying to get things back on track than the other partner. But if you felt that your partner didn’t want to work on your sex life, don’t give up hope! Here is your plan of action.
Imagine your partner is scared.
Fighting over your sex life can easily irritate you. It may seem that your partner does not value your sexual satisfaction. But as a sex therapist, I’ve found that it’s not that people don’t want to work on their sex lives; the point is, they are scared. Sex can be an irresistible topic for most people. You are allowed to be angry, offended and offended, but approaching your partner from this place will only silence him even more. Instead, try to imagine that your partner is scared and feeling lost. It can help you be more productive in your sex life with your partner.
Tell your partner what sex means to you.
Most couples fight over the logistics of sex, such as how often you have sex, who initiates it, who rejects whom, and so on. These themes so easily lead to endless circular contractions. (“Last month we only had sex once!” “No, we did it twice!” “No, the only time was that Wednesday night when the kids fell asleep.” of the partners does not want to take this first step towards reconciliation.
But sex is much more than just logistics. You will be much more successful in trying to talk to your partner if you address the emotional aspects of sex. What do you get from sex? How do you bond with your partner before, during and after physical intimacy? This approach to sex can help your partner understand that you are not just looking for an orgasm; you want to connect.
Find out if your partner is feeling satisfied.
Some people need to have sex in order to feel connected. Other people need to feel connected in order to have sex. If you are not meeting your needs in one area of the relationship, you are less likely to show kindness and generosity towards your partner in other areas of your relationship. It’s the same with your partner.
It is important for couples to work on physical and emotional intimacy at the same time. If you think you are the type of person who needs sex to feel connected, ask your partner how he relates to your level of emotional connection. Ask what you can do to help your partner feel happier and more satisfied in other aspects of your relationship.
Talk about it as a collective effort
If you are someone who wants to have a more active sex life, it is very likely that your partner is feeling “broken.” They may feel intense pressure to change, which can lead to the fear I mentioned earlier. But you really want to make it clear to your partner that your sex life is not their fault or their responsibility. Let them know that you want to work on your sex life and relationships as a team. Let your partner know that you want to know more about their needs and make an effort to become the partner they want. Not only will this make working on your sex life a lot less intimidating, but it will also make it more interesting.
Get outside help
If you feel like you and your partner are truly stumped, ask if your partner would like to meet you with a couples counselor or sex therapist. Again, make it clear that you want to work on cases together . I also found that the word “preparedness” is very important here. If you ask your partner if he wants to go to sex therapy, he will probably say no! But if you say, “This is really important to me. Do you want to try with me? “you are more likely to get a positive answer.
Explore other options
Everyone has a different relationship with sex, and that’s okay. If you really feel like you and your partner want completely different things from your sex life – for example, if you want to have sex all the time, and your partner doesn’t care if he never has sex again – you may want to talk about others. options. I have worked with couples who have decided to open up their relationship so that one of the partners can find sexual satisfaction. If you have a strong partnership in every other relationship, you don’t have to give up a good relationship because your partner may not be able to meet all of your needs.
Don’t give an ultimatum, but be prepared to make tough decisions.
I don’t recommend telling your partner that you are leaving unless you guys fix your sex life. Ultimatums usually don’t work. Your partner must decide that he wants to work on your sex life on his own. But at the same time, I think you should be prepared to ask yourself some difficult questions if your partner is not willing to work on your relationship with you. You will never meet a partner who can satisfy all of your needs or who wants the same sex life you crave, but you deserve to have a partner who respects those needs and is willing to share them.