Work Backwards From the Life You Want
Many of us dream of what our life will be like after we reach a certain milestone. After we got the job, met the right person, saved up money, and so on.
But – and I still remember where I was the minute I realized it – what we put into these fantasies is not necessarily related to the milestone itself.
It is not “after I get the job, I will enjoy hard work and professional satisfaction.”
It’s more like “getting a job, I wake up every morning before work and run around the pond.” Or “after we move into a big apartment, we can have weekly play nights with friends.” You create the picture yourself living the life of an idealized, although much of this life could be achieved before you reach this milestone.
Yes, there is something to be said for using a particular purchase (for example, a pair of sneakers that you looked out for, those that you bookmarked after spending all day comparing different heel and sock counters) as a reward for reaching a specific goal. …
But there is a lot more to say so as not to wait to realize your vision of what life could be.
If you want to wake up and run every morning, set your alarm for 5 a.m. tomorrow. (You’ll find out very quickly how much your real version enjoys the idealized version.)
If you’re looking to gather friends for a weekly game night, try meeting at the library or bar, which doesn’t mind a group of people pulling out a deck of cards, or if you’re attracted to the hosting aspect . More than a gaming aspect for you, figure out what kind of event you can host in the space you have right now.
I know that you are probably thinking about all the reasons why you can’t run tomorrow at 5am (or have a game night, or whatever). Maybe your work shift starts at 5:30 am or ends at 2 am. There may be no safe treadmill nearby. Maybe you should really wait for the kids to grow up.
If so, try to break it down a little more and find that part of this idealized life that you can put into practice today . Do you want to spend more time outdoors? Do you want to spend more time on physical activity? Do you want to have a game night because you want to try out a new game or because you want to try out a new recipe? Or do you just want to spend more time with your friends face to face?
Find a small piece of your ideal life that you can turn into reality and then bring it to life.
This is important for three reasons.
First, it prevents us from postponing what we dream of or associating unrelated actions with results. In my case, for example, I mentally connected “being a famous writer” with “writing in a room full of beautiful houseplants.” I came to this correlation after looking at photographs of the workplaces of famous authors; it never occurred to me that I might have houseplants before fame. Once I realized that these two attributes were not actually related, I started buying plants (10 of which are still alive).
Second, setting your ideal life in motion as soon as possible will let you know if you really enjoy this life. Maybe you are not really a baker, birdwatcher or biker. You may find that you enjoy going to the gym, but prefer group cardio classes to the gym. Maybe asking children to name their favorite part of the day won’t work at dinner, but better before bed.
Third – and perhaps most importantly – filling your life with the things you really need gives you less room for the things you don’t need. Whether you prioritize family meals, weekly play nights, or morning runs, you’ll know when you need to pass up opportunities that might interfere with those priorities. Yes, you will have to learn to say no , but you will also have a better understanding of which choices bring you closer to the life you want and which ones are further from it.
So. Don’t wait to start living the life you ever dream of. Step back from the life you want and see how much of it you can fit into the life you now have.