How to Know When You’re Bored
Boring people are everywhere – at work, at your child’s school, maybe even at home. But, perhaps, the only thing worse than being trapped in a dull conversation with Mr. Monotonusom – is to discover what is really boring you all.
Do not panic. You may be bored right now, but that doesn’t mean you have to be boring forever. You just need to be aware of the warning signs and make a commitment to staying on course.
Psychologist Barbara Greenberg came to our rescue with a short Psychology Today questionnaire that you can use to determine if you’re bothering the people around you. Her questions raise some specific topics that you should pay attention to.
Your listening skills
Not being boring is not just saying all the interesting things that come to mind. It’s about being a real participant in the conversation. This means that you should actively listen to what the other person has to say, rather than daydreaming about how you can intervene to bring the conversation back to you.
Curiosity is also your friend here. People know that you are listening – and are genuinely interested in what they have to say – when you ask genuine clarifying questions. “So what was the best thing you ate on your trip to New Orleans?” or “Oh, this project sounds so complicated; tell me more! “
Talking too little or too much
We try to instill the practice of “taking turns” in talking to children at a very early age (if you haven’t seen the viral video of a father “talking” to his young son , now is the time). And then we grow up and find ourselves either completely dominating the conversation, or kind of muttering. Both are boring.
There is a balance between expressing mutual excitement or interest in a topic without completely stopping the conversation.
Your vulnerability
You don’t have to reveal every last deep and dark secret to be interesting, but by allowing yourself to become vulnerable at times by sharing fears or anxieties, you build emotional bridges with others. If you are too wedged out, it may be difficult for others to communicate with you in conversation.
This does not mean – I repeat, it does not mean that you should constantly complain about your terrible coworker or lazy spouse, while the pair of eyes in front of you dims. This is not a vulnerability; it’s boring. Drop that and switch the conversation to a new topic.
It also doesn’t hurt to have a couple of anecdotes, stories, or questions that you can ask from time to time if you feel like the conversation is ending.
Language of the body
You can tell when someone is not involved in your conversation, right? They look at their phone a little more than is polite, look around to stop the restaurant’s server, or just seem distracted or disinterested. Watch for signs that your current topic is no longer desired.
In other words, does it seem like people want to be around you? If they do, you probably aren’t bored.
If you’re still unsure, go through the full Greenberg questionnaire .