How to Become a Best Friend
We all have a habit of getting into a cycle of work and sleep and forgetting to reply to a friend’s message or missing an important date in their life. But it is important to maintain the friendships that we have; After all, there is no shortage of research that shows that friendship is good for our well-being and can even prolong our lives. Given how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, here’s how to strengthen the friendships you already have.
Start plans
If you are abnormal, a person who constantly does not want to make commitments, it’s time for you to change that. First, it’s easy for a friend to interpret this unwillingness to make plans as “I’m not interested in seeing you,” even if it’s not true. (If that’s true, well, that ‘s another story altogether .)
Obviously, the easiest way to overcome this attitude is to accept any invitations from friends. Another solution is to initiate plans more often so that your friend does not get the impression that you are avoiding them. You have to make specific plans – time, date and place – so that you don’t just send out vague smoke signals that you want to meet. Better yet, if you can, make it a regular weekly or monthly hangout so that it becomes part of your daily routine.
And if you cancel plans for any reason, you will have to initiate plans next time; except in emergencies, it’s never cool to cancel at the last minute. However, staying connected is important, even if it’s just plain text.
Make plans on their terms
This brings us to another important piece of advice: be prepared to make plans that don’t just address your needs. When you meet with a friend, choose a time and place that is convenient for him (not a block from your apartment). It’s a simple gesture to show that you care about their needs too.
For this reason, I try to make plans that are convenient for my friends, whether it’s a 45-minute subway ride to Bushwick or a restaurant near their work.
Remember important dates
Are you one of those friends who congratulate a friend on his birthday only a week after his birth? It happens, although this is a particularly criminal example. As u / C8H10N4O2xlife suggests on a recent Reddit thread (which we wrote about earlier ), don’t forget these important dates like birthdays or other important events in your friends’ lives.
“Often I actually do calendar reminders for any important things that 4-6 people mention — family trips, concerts they look forward to, timing they worry about,” they wrote. “It can be weird to do with people you are not very close to … but it helps me remember that I have to be connected with these 4-6 and they seem to really appreciate it.”
When the date comes, send them a simple text and ask them how you are doing – these little gestures really matter. You show that you think of your friend, that when he is not there, he is still on your mind.
Put the phone down
If you want to be your best friend, you also need to learn to listen better. (For most of us, this is easier said than done.) As Fast Company writes, sometimes we may have a tendency to listen because we are polite, not because we are genuinely curious.
“If we ever end a conversation and learn nothing surprising, then we weren’t really listening,” Hal Gregersen, executive director of MIT’s Leadership Center, told Fast Company.
Communication without an agenda is key; listen without judgment or interruption. Wait for them to finish their story and ask questions (sincere, of course).
Give up bad friends
To be a good friend, you must have good friends. I have a few unreliable friends who change plans several times before we meet, or show up an hour later.
Over time, I realized that it wasn’t always worthwhile to end up with a week of text messaging when I knew they would inevitably change or cancel plans altogether. And since I was 20, I have reduced my friendships to three good friends I can count on.
In other words, part of a good friend is learning how to say no to some friends and dedicating your time and efforts to others . You don’t have to keep in touch with absolutely every college friend or coworker you like – after all, that’s what Facebook was created for – so get to know who matters most to you.