How to Talk to Children About LGBTQ + Issues
As a recently left gay woman, I initially did not know how to talk to children about LGBTQ + topics. But even before I accepted my identity and told my family that I was gay, these conversations were important to me. I wanted my children to be allies not only for me, but for the queer community as a whole. I also wanted to let them know that if they go anywhere in the beautiful rainbow of LGBTQ +, I will accept and love them for who they are.
However, I understand that if you are not surrounded by homosexuals, it may seem arbitrary or forced if you suddenly start talking to your children about “gay topics.” However, it is worth remembering that you are talking about the diversity of love and gender expression. We can all relate to being true to ourselves, right? But what if you really don’t know what to say? What if you yourself feel insufficiently informed? And how the hell do you even start to explain all this to a child?
First, a quick guide to “all those letters.”
LGBTQ + stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Gay, or Interrogation, and Plus. The plus sign expresses inclusiveness for complementary identities such as gender fluidity, non-binary, pansexual, asexual, and agender . These letters mean something slightly different to each person who uses them, but they are important to represent and incorporate. Inclusion is a fundamental building block of the LGBTQ + community. Do you want to be flooded with love and acceptance of all of yourself? Connect with members of the queer community.
And know that you don’t have to know everything and explain everything perfectly. The child’s question can be answered: “I’m not sure, let’s figure it out together!” And that’s ok for Google terms that you don’t know how to explain.
Books are our friend
If you want to become an ally and raise children who are allies and feel safe coming to you with questions, the best way to do this (besides surrounding yourself with people who are different from you) is through books. Here’s how I sparked an amazing conversation with my kids about gender and sexuality:
I took out several LGBTQ + books from the library and one of them was ” I Am Jazz” . I Am Jazz is a picture book for young readers that explains in clear language what it means to be trans: “I have a girl’s brain, but a boy’s body.” The book illustrates the painful experiences of young Jazz Jenning when, before social transition (expressing herself outwardly as a girl through clothes, name and pronouns), her guardians forced her to become a boy. I read this to my kids, sometimes pausing to comment sympathetically on how Jazz must have felt when she had to pretend to be who she knew she was not.
My 9-year-old daughter said, “I really feel like a girl. If everyone told me that I was a boy and I would have to get my hair cut and wear boys’ clothes, I would be depressed. “
This gave us the opportunity to talk about that, yes, it would be very sad, but also, short or long hair or certain clothes “make” a person a boy or a girl? What determines a person’s gender? The answer we have chosen is that the person living in the body can choose their gender because they are the only ones who can truly know their mind and heart. Whether it’s a girl or a boy or something in between (non-binary), gender is not determined by a person’s body or biological sex. Gender is determined by the mind and heart of a person . And gender expression is how a person shows the world who he is through clothes, hair and accessories.
Then my 13-year-old son asked, “If the girl is transgender but loves boys … is she gay? Straight? How does it work? “So we need to talk about how gender affects sexuality.
I told my son that gender conveys sexuality because it is part of how a person defines their sexuality (gender you + gender you are attracted to = your sexuality). But a transgender girl is a girl , so if she likes boys it means she can be heterosexual or heterosexual. It could also mean that she is bisexual or pansexual. Each person must determine how their heart falls in love. In a conversation with my son, I emphasized that some people are fixated on who the transgender was “before,” but we need to change our thinking so that we understand and recognize that this person is the gender they are talking about; they have always been of this gender. I told him that it can be very painful for a transgender to be constantly reminded of “who he was before” or “who he was born”. In general, transgender people consider themselves to be born according to the gender with which they identify themselves, just they were given the wrong designation or label at birth. Recognizing this helps a transsexual person feel accepted, accepted, and protected.
It’s not about sex
Note that in no part of my conversation with the children have we ever discussed sex. When it comes to LGBTQ + and kids topics, straight people all too often come to the conclusion that these conversations should inherently involve sex. But that doesn’t apply to gays any more than straight people. When you tell your kids about Uncle Joe and his new girlfriend Carrie, are you telling the kids what do you think Joe and Carrie are doing in their bedroom? Of course not. It’s the same with gay relationships. For children, defining a relationship is as simple as saying, “They love each other.”
We need to talk to our children about LGBTQ + topics so that they can be allies and advocates when needed. Approximately 4.5% of Americans identify as LGBTQ + , so there is a good chance that there will be at least one LGBTQ + child in every class. Making sure our children are allies can help a child feel safe and confident both in the classroom and outside. And, more importantly, to demonstrate that we are allies, meaning that if one of our children identify themselves as LGBTQ +, he will be sure that we – them a safe place where you can feel unconditionally loved and supported.