Don’t Post Your Toddler’s Tantrum on Social Media
The great thing about parenting in the age of social media is that we have an easy way to connect with others in these isolated early years. Years during which the days are long and the nights are longer, someone is always physically hanging on you, and even such a simple thing as getting out the door seems impossible.
Less than great about parenting in the age of social media is that we are so much in the midst of the stress of the day that we tend to share with others in our pursuit of communication. It has become so commonplace to document every mood, every success, and every failure of our child that we even have a term for it: exchange. And sharing the toddler’s irrational devastation is a particularly fashionable exchange move.
I was there; all you did was hand them a banana right after they ASKED FOR YOU BANANA, and now they are screaming at the top of their lungs, and it’s all so disgusting that you can’t be the only witness to it. You need someone (or better yet, a lot of someone!) To validate the shitty nature of what is happening to you. You have to laugh so as not to cry. I have to publish this, you might think.
But two psychologists write for the New York Times that while communicating with other parents based on shared experiences is good, communication turns into bullying when we send pictures of our children in distress (even if their distress is a fact. that you took the whole banana peel off and, no, it can’t be anymore).
Solidarity with other parents comes from sharing your parenting experiences, so be sure to keep posting stories and photos of your children – just don’t make fun of them. If you have to tell someone that your child is falling apart because you are “very poor at arcana,” tell a family member or close friend about it. You can joke about your mom (but I can’t) because teasing implies trust; you are confident enough in your love to joke about delicate things. Strangers on the Internet don’t like your child.
It might seem harmless because your kid is too young to even know what Twitter is, let alone his red screaming face now appearing in hundreds of feeds. But while it seems impossible now, they eventually grow up. And when they do, it will be very important to them what images you share them with. There’s a good chance they won’t even like the cute pictures you posted them (she speaks from her own experience), let alone their worst photos.
Instead of posting it, send a message to your best friend, spouse, or mom. Or email it to yourself and save it in a folder specially designed to document all of their madness so you can look back at it all later and really laugh at it.
Cap these moments just like you do on Instagram with all kinds of witty hashtags and imagine how many likes you will get. But then keep them secret.