How to Give Feedback That People Will Listen To
The next time you need to offer feedback or criticism, think about the goal you are trying to achieve, and then choose the feedback method that works best for that goal.
Self- help site Farnam Street notes that there are three unique types of feedback: appreciation, advice, and appreciation. (They cite Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp’s book How To Do It: How To Lead When You Are Not Responding as inspiration for this understanding.) As Farnam Street explains:
Are we trying to show appreciation, advice, or appreciation? (As in evaluating or testing performance.) We think we can do all of these at the same time, but this tends to be counterproductive.
In other words, everyone knows what is really inside the criticism sandwich, especially when the two external compliments are shared or forced.
If you want to provide the kind of feedback that people will listen to and learn at the same time, provide specific feedback that suits both the situation and the purpose. People are motivated, for example, by honest statements of appreciation, so instead of saying “good job,” try, “I saw how you prevented our meeting from being disrupted this afternoon. Thank you!”
Or, as Farnam Street puts it:
During the appreciation stage, we tried to direct our comments directly to this person: I appreciate you and your efforts. This did not go unnoticed.
When it’s time to give advice, focus less on the person and more on what they’re trying to accomplish. You don’t tell someone what they did wrong, you acknowledge the work they’ve done and help them get better results.
In terms of rating – well, Farnam Street doesn’t find rating as a particularly useful feedback tool. For example, a six-month performance review provides feedback at a time when it is too late for effective engagement. It is more helpful to tell people what they are good at and / or what they can improve while they are doing so that they can stay motivated and make small adjustments as needed.
We don’t need to continually give grades for academic performance if we are consistently effective at reinforcing good habits and discouraging bad ones.
In addition, performance reviews and other formal assessments tend to be emotionally charged events for the person being assessed, making it difficult for them to fully hear and understand the feedback they receive.
If you want to provide feedback that people will listen to, it’s best to make it specific, honest, applicable, and timely. Be generous with your appreciation and keep your advice focused on the task at hand. If you are a manager or employer, save the formal grades in case you need a formal performance report. After all, if an employee starts this type of assessment without a clear idea of what is going to be discussed, there has been a feedback failure somewhere in the process – and it is probably yours.