How to Be Interesting in a Let’s Have Coffee Email
It’s scary to write to someone whose work you admire, ask for advice, have a conversation over coffee, or when you first meet, which you secretly hope will kick-start mentoring throughout your career. It’s like asking someone out on a date and asking for a raise. It’s tricky, and even if you get it right, it might not work! The Harvard Business Review has a killer strategy: present yourself as the most interesting, valuable, and trustworthy .
When people email marketing strategist Dory Clarke asking for a meeting or a professional favor, she says yes to those who inspire her trust, interest, or offer some benefit. And she uses the same strategies when she asks favors from people she looks up to:
For example, when I recently wrote to a famous filmmaker, I started a post by citing our common alumni affiliation and – as I wanted to know about adapting one of his films into a musical – I mentioned outstanding shows that were created by graduates of the musical theater workshop in which I I am . He responded, showed interest in further conversation, and noted that a composer friend told him that “a lot of exciting pieces came out of this program.” By proclaiming your authority in advance, you make it clear that the interaction will be fruitful.
Write to one specific person
The difficulty is that everyone has a different taste for interests, authority, and values. What sounds confident and conscientious to one person will sound like bragging to another. So you have to write to this particular person .
Search their social media, any blogs, any interviews. Find their interests and obsessions and see if you have anything in common. Try to figure out what points of contact they really care about. Some people like to hear from the students of their alma mater; some don’t give a damn about it, but they might enjoy the conversation out of a shared love for a little-known book.
Look for the less obvious things – you probably won’t go anywhere by telling a famous game developer that you love Portal too. But you can team up for common interests at Sleater-Kinney, lawn bowling, or Texas BBQ. You can refer specifically to the place where they mentioned this public interest and it is very easy to mention it. They don’t need to know you were looking for this!
If you truly admire this person and their work, chances are good that you were primarily attracted to a common interest. It doesn’t have to be too smart. I am in correspondence with an author friend who expresses 50 percent of our total thanks to Jorge Luis Borges. Damn it, we both write speculative fiction, of course we like Borges, but we communicate sincerely about this (I think!), Because we have common conclusions from his work.
See if you can find anything this person had to say about interacting with fans in case there is something that they really like or worried about. I’ve seen several people publicly humiliate themselves while trying to criticize Dan Harmon on his Rick and Morty show. Since Harmon has an image of a “jolly jerk,” these guys (these are the guys) clearly thought they could impress him by exaggerating his jokes. He tells them how terrible this approach is, usually in a quote-tweet.
Don’t sound desperate
You need to do your research, but you can stop when you feel too ghostly. And do not go further than you are comfortable with. You want to look interested and interesting, not desperate. These are the kind of emails you really need to scan with your friends just to make sure you don’t look like a complete weirdo.
To that end, as Clarke recommends, always give your recipient an outlet. Say that you know they are busy and you won’t mind if they can’t answer. Put him in such terms – “I can’t” instead of “I won’t” – so that he remains casual and avoids any hint of guilt.
Introduce your best self
When you ask for help from someone you admire, you may begin to neglect yourself or even prostrate yourself before the emperor like a humble supplicant. You are not worthy, you are not worthy! But this is not very attractive. You need to convince this person that you know what you are doing. People don’t like to give advice and time to idiots.
You may also be tempted to cover up your insecurity by bragging like you are really important here, listing everything you’ve ever accomplished. You can’t do that either! Everyone’s line is different, but you don’t want it to sound like you’re selling a car.
You should look like a respectable, interesting person with whom it would be fun to talk a little and who would absorb everything that your interlocutor tells you. Because even busy people are tormented by the opportunity to talk and about what they know, to someone who really gets it.