How to Solve Your Teen Daughter’s Body Hair Problems
“Wow, you’re so hairy,” said the boy to my daughter’s left. He gazed in awe at her round, seven-year-old hand, brown from the summer sun, and the silky dark hair that framed it. It was the first day of second grade, and for the first time someone noticed my daughter’s body hair. But I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. My daughter, like many girls from the Middle East and South Asia – she is a mixture of Iranian and Indian – hairy (by Western standards). In a school full of fair-skinned and blond Caucasian children, she – at that age – looked hairier than she actually was, and definitely hairier than the boy in question.
I did everything I could to prepare her for a potential onslaught, a barrage of unkind comments about her body hair. I experienced this myself when I was growing up in Geneva, Switzerland, in the 1970s and 1980s, and I knew that even in today’s world, where “body positivity” is a thing, where celebrities like Miley Cyrus and daughter Madonnas, Lourdes Leone, proudly display their unkempt armpits – body hair is still a source of ridicule.
I waited for my daughter’s reaction so that she burst into tears (or put it on the guy, because she was / remains a tough girl). Her response took me by surprise: “Yes, I’m hairy because I’m Iranian and Indian,” she said.
“Oh,” the boy said, clearly not understanding what that meant. He looked at her hand again. “Ouch.” Clutching his new backpack, he turned away from my daughter and the little boy to his left.
At that moment, I knew that this was just the beginning of a long and harrowing hair-styling journey – a journey that we will walk together in which we share our anger and frustration as we empathize with the suffering of body hair. On this trip, I recalled my hairy youth and the pain of waxing (a practice that was hardly heard of in Switzerland at that time, and therefore costly).
I would remember being jealous of friends with sleek, hairless limbs who could strip down to swimsuits at any moment, and remembered how I had to come up with excuses to hide the fact that I had to visit the pool from time to time during wax visits. I remember the rough, sweaty pants I often wore in the summer heat to cover my legs. I remember my mother gently telling me that body hair doesn’t matter, although at the time I was convinced it did. And although I would tell my daughter exactly what my mother told me – not only because mothers do this, but also because it is true that hair is just hair and has nothing to do with who she is , – I would also boil inside.
For centuries, women have used all kinds of depilatory potions, creams, wax, plucking and plucking accessories. India and Iran, where our families come from, are no exception. However, the difference in these countries is that body hair is normal for girls and women, and while it may be considered as unsightly as it is in the West, it is believed that girls will have hair and that hair will be visible until the right age. … at this point it will be reviewed.
Unfortunately, in the US and other Western countries, girls from these ethnic groups tend to stand out. This is true even today, in the age of body positivity, because body hair just isn’t part of the discussion, says Megan Gillen, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania Abington campus whose research focuses on body image.
“It’s such a big part of the body image, and to encourage body positivity, we really need to talk about body hair, racial differences in relation to body hair,” Guillen says, “so that we can educate people about ethnicity and begin to remove the stigma faced. many girls with regard to body hair. “
However, in anticipation of this conversation, the burden of helping girls fight body hair falls on their parents. Here are some tips from the experts:
Formulate the conversation positively
You may often feel like they are not hearing, but the message that “you are more than body hair, that some people have more body hair than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Guillen says. … and it should be repeated frequently, especially at a younger age.
Remember to also look at all the talk about hair and hair removal through a health lens. “It’s important to focus on health, say things like,“ If you remove your body hair, will you feel healthier? »Would you feel stronger? Because it’s more important than doing it to please other people, ”Guillen says.
Wait until age 12 and then follow her lead
“My girls never complained about my body hair,” says Leila Aherati, a beautician at State College, Pennsylvania, mother of two daughters, 21 and 17 years old. “However, there are other girls who are very sensitive to their hair. and who wants to remove it. “
Akherati believes that “the correct time to remove depends on the person and their sensitivity to hairiness,” and that it is important to listen and respect the person’s wishes. However, she says that most of the young women who come to her salon to wax their legs, armpits and / or hands are at least 12 years old.
Some beauticians warn that hair removal for girls younger than this age can be harmful to their skin, but 12 is “developmental age,” Guillen says, the age at which most girls can make informed decisions about their bodies.
Weighing shaving versus waxing
The American Academy of Dermatology notes that hair grows back more slowly with waxing, but it can also be painful, and freshly waxed skin can remain red and irritated for a while. The academy also encourages caution when using hot wax, which is commonly used by beauticians, as it can burn the skin.
In the United States, shaving is far more common than waxing. The academy says that shaving cuts off hairs on the surface of the skin, a process that can be learned and done quickly, although it requires caution because razors are sharp and can quickly cause cuts and cuts.
Beauticians such as Acherati and Jonis Padilla, owner of J Sisters in New York, say parents may advise their daughters to try waxing as an alternative. In his salon, Padilla uses a very light wax specially formulated for young girls. Just follow the rules, she says: “For waxing to be effective, you need to wait five weeks before returning to the salon. Tell your daughter that if her hair shows through between visits to the salon, everything is fine.
Find the right beautician
Waxing can be challenging for teenagers. This is why Padilla stresses the importance of finding the “right” beautician who can speak age appropriate, be gentle and considerate.
“You need someone who is patient and not in a hurry,” she says. “If you don’t get that kind of feedback, you need to change because you want someone you can trust.”
Be that as it may, we apparently did everything right. I followed my daughter’s example: at the age of 12, she asked to wax her armpits, and we went to the salon, where she also found someone she liked to do eyebrows. She never wanted to wax her feet and we explored razors when she was 14 years old. Now at 16, she is a happy, healthy girl and tennis player who is much more focused on the game than her hair.