How to Insult Enemies More Effectively
A good insult is a show of strength. A bad insult is a demonstration of powerlessness. This is true whether you hit up or down. (I recommend that you strike.) If you want your insults to hurt your enemy and not yourself, you need to insult strategically.
Choose your audience
Is your goal making the enemy feel bad or look bad? This requires different strategies. First, you need to examine the values and self-image of your enemy. In the second case – to make your opponent look bad in front of an outside audience – you need to study the values of this audience and its image of your enemy. If you want to achieve both, try not to overlap your insults. Or use different channels of attack: insult the enemy from close range and speak in a more public forum. The garbage chatter you give to the guy you cover up during a basketball game isn’t the same as yelling at him from the outside. The same applies on the Internet or at work.
Know What Your Enemy Cares
Find out what they dislike about themselves and where they are vain. Years ago, when I wrote for Gawker and regularly fought the middle manager at AOL , he liked to say that I was obviously dumping 3 people every day. I worked 10 hours a day and was very offended by his claims, instead of giving any obvious objections. I belonged to a guy who uses the word “caustic” in an unaesthetic way. Let’s say you have a grudge with a rich greedy businessman. You may be tempted to insult his greed and wealth. But do you really think that he would feel bad if you confirmed that he loves to make money? You would probably have shed a lot more blood if you discovered his financial failures and insulted him about it. Show how he lost by his own rules. If you’re playing to the public, you have more options. If they are already on your side, they will probably join you in all kinds of attacks. It gets dangerous – see “don’t be a heel” below – but it allows you to attack what your enemy really likes about himself if your audience doesn’t like it, and ridicule your enemy for his bad values.
Get creative
In 2015, internet prankster John Hendren showed off a bad pair of shoes: bright red Vans with leopard print lining. His colleague David Thorpe knew the shoes were bad and led to them being brutally toasted by the crowd. “The shoe looks like a mad doctor turned the pimp inside out.” “Damn it, these shoes look like … what if the video for Black Hole Sun was directed by a ska group?” “It’s straight out of a clown porn movie.” Thorpe was infinitely resourceful, finding a thousand ways to convey the same thing: The shoes are bad, John. Make up many images of your enemy and change the structure of your insults. The insults in shows like Veep and Succession are so good because they use different cadences and tones. Many people start with compliments or suggestions, but they don’t sound like insults to the end. It’s like pulling back your fist before swinging it. In Legacy, Tom leads Greg along with a plan: “Maybe you will meet a rich widow and you can seduce her with your sad eyes.” In the same episode, Jerry brings Tom back when he asks her where she got some information from: “Tom, it’s hard for me to tell you like this, but I’m in a sexual relationship with your mother. She speaks in her sleep. ” Sometimes you can deliberately give up creativity, but you have to go all the way. Repeat the phrase over and over – okay, boomer – to demonstrate that your enemy is not worth your time and effort and is actually destroyed with a few words. You can also use your single phrase as a refrain between more specific insults. Thorpe punctuated his creative insults with simple repetitions: “The shoes are too much, John.” “Anyway, great shoes, enjoy.” They gave some breathing room to everyone reading his roast, but don’t land in the middle using a few weary jokes that someone might have come up with. It makes you look like you are not happy with the norm, and your enemy is someone who is at least important enough to get haters.
Find comparisons
Torpe Fry has been almost entirely compared to the more famous signifiers. He referred to every embarrassing, retro, and heterosexual pop culture camp that remotely resembles these shoes. Whatever you insult your enemy, think of more famous people with the same flaws. These people should be taken as someone who can be ridiculed. TV Tropes maintains a list of “acceptable targets” determined by public opinion. Examples of clichés include Nickelback, Trumps, or The Big Bang Theory . But the more accurately you aim, the better you can penetrate the enemy’s emotional armor. Performing comedians do this to themselves in their debuts, unflatteringly comparing themselves to celebrities. Pete Holmes likes to say that he looks like an aging Val Kilmer or a youth pastor. It works great with new audiences because you don’t need to know Pete to see the similarities.
Do not overwork
The more creative you get, the easier you can be wrong. I wrote a bad blog post a few years ago and the commenters fried it. I objected that they misunderstood it. I didn’t want to tell them “learn to read” because it didn’t quite fit. So I came up with Learn to Disassemble. It surefucking sucks , something that a guy from“fucking assholes!” – thevideo would say. I only made my situation worse. If your insults become unintelligible, harsh, or careless, you will fail. And this is not the only way you can control yourself here.
Watch your flank
Wars are lost if the enemy is viewed only as a target and not as an active enemy. Don’t give the enemy the opportunity for a perfect answer. So: don’t insult you if you could answer. Don’t use insults that make you jealous. Don’t even remind the enemy of what he can use against you. Do your research on yourself. What could your enemy use against you? What are your failures, what is your vanity? What do you say when your enemy uses them against you?
There is a backup
If your insults are directed at an audience, make sure your insults are visible. If you’re looking at someone’s replies or comments, ask friends to join you so you don’t get yelled at. Even personally, if you’re trying to embarrass someone in front of strangers, you should have friends too.
Don’t be a heel
During and shortly after the 2016 elections, there was a wave of insults against Donald Trump. Of all the flaws in this howling heap of hatred, they chose that he was fat. And gay. And they immediately start making fat and gay people feel bad. You can make fun of things your enemy cannot control, or the same can be said for less bad people. If a guy is a complete clown, he can be called a clown. But if your attack line is very similar to the attacks of the shittiest people in the world, then drop it. If you’re straight, it’s not okay to bully someone by calling them gay, even if they are known to be homophobic , because being insulted still means you think being gay is bad. The same goes for any major vector of historical oppression: race, gender, nation of origin. You can’t make fun of someone’s weight, because our culture is still shitty for people it considers redundant, and the longer it is used as an insult against the bad). people, the longer shitty people think they can be used against good people too. This is not fairness to your enemy, but to your allies. At 5’6 ”, I allow you to make fun of short guys. But you will lose part of your audience there.Short kings forever. Okay, use it wisely, hit it and don’t waste too much time insulting people, otherwise you will eat your soul from the inside out. Have fun kids!