7 “helpful” Things You Really Shouldn’t Do for Your Neighbor
Relationships with neighbors can be complicated : A whopping three-quarters of Americans dislike at least one neighbor, although about the same number of people report that they are also friends with a neighbor. It’s safe to say that most people want to be good neighbors and are usually willing to comply with small courtesies like keeping the noise down or accommodating the occasional contractor’s truck parked on the street.
Sometimes you want to do a little more for your neighbor and do an unexpected good deed. The idea of helping someone without expecting a reward can make you feel great and seems like a surefire way to build strong relationships with your neighbors and accumulate good karma. It’s just that help can sometimes go wrong, especially if you make assumptions about your neighbor and his property. Here’s how your good intentions towards your neighbors can backfire.
Mow their lawn
Lawn care is a lot of work, and a neglected yard can often be a sign of personal struggle—too little time, energy, or money. If you’re mowing your own lawn and notice that your neighbor’s is getting a little ragged, it may seem like a no-brainer to just donate a little of your time and mow his lawn as a favor.
Except that there are actually many reasons why someone might not mow their lawn. They may be planning to let the grass grow a little longer this year. They may have treated it with a weed killer, which sometimes works best if you don’t mow for a few days or weeks after the treatment. The “weeds” you pull may actually be specially planted perennials. Or they may have a different type of grass and your mowing job is cutting it too low, killing everything in sight. The fact is, mowing your neighbor’s lawn without his express permission may actually ruin it for him.
Rake their leaves
If your neighbor’s property has trees and the leaf situation gets out of control in the fall, you may be tempted to do something about it. Just like mowing the lawn, raking your neighbor’s leaves can backfire for several reasons because not everyone believes that raking leaves is necessary or even recommended. Some people like to mulch the leaves with a lawn mower, turning them into natural fertilizer instead of going to the landfill, or simply leaving them in place to decompose naturally (or use as garden compost ). And some people just love the look of a leafy yard, giving the entire home a cozy fall feel. While you can take whatever steps are necessary to clean up leaves that end up on your property, never assume that your neighbor is just lazy if he doesn’t clean up with a rake.
Offer information
Being a good neighbor means looking out for each other, but you can take that good instinct too far. If someone shows up at your neighbor’s house when he’s not there (whether it’s contractors, utility workers, city inspectors, or anyone else who sounds legitimate), you might want to help by providing a little information. Telling strangers when your neighbors will be back, or sharing details about their home in an attempt to help, can be a huge mistake if the people you’re talking to aren’t who they say they are, or if the inspector or other city official isn’t happy with what they hear. The last thing you want is a robbery on your conscience or a city citation that costs your neighbor money just because you wanted to help him. Always check with them before telling anyone anything about their home or situation.
Become their helper
We usually think of doing someone a good favor as a one-time, isolated incident. But sometimes this favor turns into a routine when your neighbor figures that if you didn’t mind doing it once, you won’t mind doing it every week or every day. Offering your elderly neighbor shopping from time to time is nice, but if they assume you’re always there to help them, you’ll soon resent it and the relationship will deteriorate. For example, my friend agreed to have some of their neighbors’ packages delivered to her house, but then the neighbor started delivering all of their packages there because they were never home to receive them. Eventually my friend just had to tell her neighbor that she couldn’t do it anymore and the relationship cooled.
When doing something nice for your neighbors, it is important to set boundaries so that the service does not become a liability. This can be difficult, but it helps to make clear (in a friendly manner) the one-off nature of the service from the outset. And if your neighbor starts asking you for the same favor on a regular basis, it might be time to come up with non-confrontational reasons why you can’t do it.
Watering plants
When a neighbor asks a neighbor to water his plants while he is away, this is a common favor and usually comes with specific instructions . If your neighbors go on vacation or business trips and leave their plants outdoors unattended, you might think that watering them is an easy way to be neighborly.
But this can backfire if your neighbor has already asked someone to water the plants and you just don’t notice, resulting in overwatering and some very dead plants. Or, if you don’t know much about plants, you can easily water plants that don’t need it or otherwise ruin their care, causing harm when you intended to benefit them. And if your neighbor doesn’t expect anyone to be wandering around his property, your watering adventure could trigger home security systems and doorbell cameras, alarming your neighbors and causing unnecessary worry. It’s always best to check if you need a can of water before committing to it.
Take it in bags
In an age of rampant porch piracy , grabbing a package left outside a neighbor’s house may seem like a simple favor. Instead of leaving it open where thieves can easily grab it, you store it in your home and send a message to your neighbor that you have it, or simply bring it back later when they get home.
But this simple kindness can go wrong if your neighbor doesn’t want you to keep the package and hasn’t asked you to. If they’ve already asked someone else to pick up the package for them, you’ll only create confusion. If they miss your note or you forget to send it, they may assume the package is lost or stolen and file a complaint—or worse, see you on the doorbell camera picking up the package and come to disappointing conclusions. And without knowing what’s in the package, you may unknowingly cause harm by breaking or damaging the contents. If you’re concerned about leaving your delivery visible, it’s best to check with your neighbor first and don’t do anything until he asks you to.
Clean their house
If you have a key to your neighbor’s house and you’ve noticed that his household has taken a turn for the worse, you might think it would be a real blessing if you went in and quickly brightened up the place, like this woman’s neighbor did . After all, if your neighbor is struggling with a crisis and letting things slide, you can take something off their plate and make their life a little easier.
But your neighbor may not see this. They may perceive it as an intrusion and feel uncomfortable if you pry into their most private spaces and feel the need to clean them up. And you may not be familiar enough with their home and the materials used in its construction, which could lead to unintentional damage if you use the wrong cleaning solutions or tools. Cleaning your neighbor’s house may seem like a very important act of kindness, but chances are it won’t be appreciated as much as you think.