The Best October Prime Day Deals If You’re Feeling Overwhelming Existential Dread
In a world of endless choice, we are paralyzed, every decision a reminder of our powerlessness in a system that thrives on our discontent. We are ghosts in our lives.” — ChatGPT OpenAI
I read a lot of science fiction as a child. At first I was fascinated by “Gee! Robots! spirit of the genre, but I soon began reading stories that were thinly disguised warnings. Science fiction writers would say, “If we let computers think for us, we will become animals,” “Our own creations will kill us,” and “Oh, no. Robots !
I don’t read science fiction anymore. We don’t need warnings anymore because everything is actually happening. We no longer circle the drain; we are in a whirlpool, and each revolution drags us further into the toilet. The best we can hope for is to drown without embarrassing ourselves; let everything end with grace. But we screwed even that .
Wait. October Prime Days on Amazon! Let’s ignore the screams coming from the basement and take advantage of the huge savings ! Did you know that you can get free shipping on Amazon orders with your Amazon Prime membership? And do you get free access to Prime Video ?
Ignoring the inevitable
Why are you even going through the pantomime of your life? You try so hard to care about your job, have hobbies, interests or whatever, but none of it matters. Go back to bed and stay there.
Some people sleep on beds like this ESHINE Split King Adjustable Bed . But do you deserve this level of comfort? Doubtful. Plus, even though it’s 20% off, it’s still $1,519.99, and your career wasn’t going that well, right? So buy this air bed instead. Tell yourself that everything is just as good and that you are not jealous at all.
Don’t worry about the bed frame or headboard – just place it on the floor. But pay attention to the sheets. There’s something to be said for classic bare-mattress style depression, but you’re not an animal. LuxClub sheets are made from 100% cotton and come in a variety of colors to hide stains.
Sheets may be optional, but curtains aren’t: You want it to always be as dark as night when you’re depressed, so block out the sun with these blackout curtains . Soon you won’t care whether it’s day or night.
You may ask: “Am I going to starve?” Perhaps with hope in his voice. Sorry. Instead, you’ll be cooking in bed with this affordable George Foreman 12-Serving Indoor/Outdoor Rectangular Electric Grill . It’s big enough to cook dinner for a large family laughing together and caring for each other. Maybe if you buy it, it will attract that to you. It’s worth it.
Speaking of bodily needs, it’s time to ditch the pee bottles and move on to a good bedside toilet . Having this baby next to your bed makes it easy to relieve, and it’s inexpensive Prime Day at just $126.99.
Your new hobbies related to depression
The transition from a struggling member of society to a bitter recluse can be difficult. You will eventually accept your new defeatist lifestyle, but until that blessed day arrives, you may feel the need for something “productive” to fill your days. Here are some hobbies that you will eventually realize are pointless:
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Maybe you need to express yourself through a song? Try playing music on this electric piano . Give up because it’s hard and because you don’t have any ideas worth pursuing.
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Buy this ” firming facial serum ” because its name is “When Hope Isn’t Enough.” And that’s good, because you have no hope.
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Install hidden cameras everywhere and monitor them obsessively, even if you live alone. How else can you catch someone who keeps breaking into and moving your pills?
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Buy a Peleton while thinking to yourself, “I don’t care about my health.” Use it twice, then leave it in the corner of the room to remind you of your failure.
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Potters are truly sincere and harmonious people. Perhaps a pottery wheel will help you feel the same.
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Get a retro gaming system to take you back to the video games of your childhood. Remember how much fun you had? Alone in your dark bedroom, always the first player without the second player, turning up the volume to drown out the sounds of your parents arguing.
Buying a TV won’t help you get rid of your anxiety, but do it anyway.
Once you give up pottery (what were you thinking ?) and everything else, you’ll need at least two good TVs. I recommend this Amazon Fire TV 55-inch 4-Series 4K UHD smart TV and this Sony 75-inch TV . It’s Mini LED, QLED, 4K, Ultra HD, blah, blah, blah – who cares?
Together they are very expensive, even on Prime Day, but don’t worry about that. Put it all on the Amazon credit card you applied for. There is no need to return the money. There is no future anyway and Amazon can’t kill you because you owe them money. (More.)
When your TVs arrive (thanks to Amazon Prime’s free shipping!), place them on the floor. Place the TV on either side of the air mattress. Replay Sausage Party on one and stream Acorn TV’s “collection of world-class mysteries, dramas and thrillers from around the world” on the other.
Turn up the volume, then leave them on day and night, but don’t look at them. Write your manifesto on the back of your credit card delinquency notices using the Novium Hoverpen 2.0 Interstellar Edition ballpoint pen.
It’s not all that bad. But almost everything is terrible.
Life is not 100% despair. There are moments of connection and transcendental joy that reveal the underlying unity of all creation (or so I read). Maybe if you hang in there long enough, you can come out the other side of this. To keep the smoldering flame of hope alive, buy this dancing cactus toy . Look at his funny face!
Look how it dances! It’s funny, but at the same time hypnotic . Buy six more and plenty of batteries; place them around your bed so that they surround you.
Laugh and laugh at funny moves day and night. Wait. Are they trying to tell you something? What are they saying?